How to make Meth

-NOTICE-
Don't smoke in the same room when you do this. Open a window in the room if possible and follow these instructions EXACTLY. This recipe has been tested and this is the best way to do it. Don't take shortcuts, and don't even start to do this unless you have about 3 hours spare.

Ingredients
Dilute Hydrochloric Acid (HCl) – Get it at hardware store; sold as brick/driveway cleaner. They call it “muriatic acid.” ($6.98 for 1 gallon at Home Depot; Klean-Strip Green)
Sodium Hydroxide – It's called “lye” at most places; drain cleaner.
($6.14 for 16 oz. [1 lb] at Amazon; Rooto Corporation 100% Lye Drain Opener)
Ethyl Ether – Make it yourself. Get a can of “starting fluid” from auto parts store or wherever. It's used for cold weather starting of gasoline engines.
($2.99 for 10.7 oz. of Johnsen's Starting Fluid at AutoZone [90241 Area Code])
Vicks Vapor Inhalers – Use ONLY Vicks. Get 12. Try not to buy all 12 at once because the pharmacists will know wsup. ($5.99/ea Vicks Vapor Inhaler at CVS; 12 needed [$72])

Equipment
2 Large Eyedroppers ($2~ for 2 count Flents Eyedroppers at Wal-Mart)
10 Small Glass Bottles ($11.99 for 6 pack of 4 oz. Evenflo BPA-Free Classic Glass Bottle Set at Target; 2 of those for 12 bottles → $24)
1 Large Glass or Porcelain Bowl ($8.39 for 11” Presence Glass Bowl from Target)
Coffee Filters (~$3 for a good amount of coffee filters from anywhere)
1 Small Jar w/ a top ($10 for 1 gallon Anchor Hocking Heritage Hill Jar w/ Glass Lid from Bed Bath & Beyond)
1 Pyrex Baking Dish ($8.49 for 2 quart Pyrex Square Baking Dish from Bed Bath & Beyond)
1 Glass Test Tube (Honestly, I don't think you need this.)

Grand Total: $143.99 ($71.99 if you can come up on the Vicks for free)
Come up on the following items to only pay $51.60 + 10% tax = $56.76 
12 Vicks Vapor Inhalers
2 Large Eyedroppers
1 Large Glass or Porcelain Bowl
1 Small Jar w/ a top
Preparing Ether
-DO THIS FIRST-

Take one of the small bottles and spray starter fluid in it till it looks half-full. Then fill out the rest of the way with water, cap the bottle, and shake for 5 minutes. Afterwards, draw off the top layer with the eyedropper and throw away the water layer. Repeat this until you have about 3 oz. of ether. Put the cap on it and put it in the refrigerator if you can. It's cool if you can't; don't trip.

The Recipe

1) Break open all 12 Vicks inhalers and put all the cotton balls inside into 1 jar and close the lid.
2) In bowl labeled Bowl A, combine 1.33 oz. of water and .67 oz. of muriatic acid. Shred the cottons into this solution and knead for 5 minutes with hands WITH CLEAN RUBBER GLOVES ON. Squeeze all juice out of filters and label as Liquid A after you knead and throw them away.
3) Filter Liquid A into the quart jar using the coffee filters; label the quart jar Jar A. Do this several times to get that awful smelling oil out. The chemicals in the inhalers have been bonded to the HCL, and the oils have been filtered off; label this Liquid B. Throw away the coffee filters.
4) Pour enough of Liquid B into a small bottle to fill it 1/3 full. Save any leftover juice for the second batch.
5) Pour ¼ teaspoon of the lye crystals into the Liquid B and shake slightly. Do this step until the mixture remains cloudy. WARNING : Pouring NaOH into HCL causes the solution to turn into H2O + NaCL (water + sodium chloride [salt]) because it takes so much less energy to hold bonds in that form. The difference in energy needed to hold NaOH and HCL over H2O and NaCL is so great that explosions can occur due to rapid boiling of the liquid if you add too much NaOH at a time to HCL. Try to pour in as small amounts as possible.
6) Fill the rest of the bottle that contains Liquid B with ether. Do not cap the bottle and use a glass eyedropper to stir. First go clockwise, and then counter-clockwise. Repeat for 20-25 minutes or until all of it is mixed perfectly. If a glass eyedropper is not available, slightly shake for 10-15 minutes to mix. It is very important to expose every molecule of the free-base to the ether for as long as possible.
7) Let the mixture of Liquid B settle. There will be a middle layer that is very thick. Tap the side of the bottle to get this layer as thin as possible.
8) Transfer the top layer (ether) with the eyedropper into another small bottle and label it Liquid C. Be careful not to get any of the [now] thin middle layer in Liquid C (just don't be too Jew about getting as much of the top layer as possible and you should be good). Save the ether and throw the rest away.
9) Fill a bottle half-way with water and about 10 drops of HCL (muriatic acid). Pour Liquid C into it and use a glass eyedropper to stir. First go clockwise, and then counter-clockwise. Repeat for 10-15 minutes. If a glass eyedropper is not available, slightly shake for 10-15 minutes to mix. When it settles, remove the top layer (should be water -Me) and throw it away. The free base has now been bonded with the HCL in the water; label it Liquid D.
10) If there's any juice left from step 3, repeat the process with that. Don't forget to match the ratio of remaining juice with all the other ingredients.
11) Evaporate Liquid D in the pyrex dish using LOW heat. The SLOWER you evaporate the solution, the better. Placing the pyrex dish on top of a hot water heater works best.

The crystals that remain are pure meth-amphetamine hydrochloride.

NOTES: Don't do this while fucked up. Wash your hands thoroughly and use rubber gloves. Don't wash your hands with soap before putting your fingers in this shit because soap has a neutralizing effect on this process. Also, try throwing everything away in 1 bag so you can dispose of it properly. This shit is so smelly you'll get busted by people if you're not careful. Febreeze the room or something every now and then, don't do it close to the shit though in case of contamination by Febreeze.