I have a BIG problem. I have this friend ehn.... childhood friend. 30, virgin, first class grad, ikoyi girl, rich parents, good job, pretty, born again christian, etc.
But... my friend is very soft on men matters and has always been a people pleaser, right from our teens. I was her 'brain reset' - you know that kind of friend that when people see with her, they behave cos they know today isnt the day to take advantage of her. Lol. She's always fallen for the wrong type of guys, and I'm usually the one who rescues her because.... well I help her connect the missing dots.
Sometimes, she would ask me to do background checks - maybe get in touch with people who might know him and then revert. As na me be the crazy one of the duo. At a point, i had to tell her to be prayerful cos she seemed a prey for gold diggers.
Two years ago, she moved to Abuja (work) and went cold. We tried maintaining our friendship despite the distance, but a few months later she became evasive. So things got 'quiet' between us. However, we were still on each others bbm. Only for her to slap me with a picture and wedding e-invite for late August. Begging me to please forgive her excesses, save the date she would like to see me there etc. Okay.
In support i used the picture on my dp. That was the greatest mistake i made!! 3 people pinged to say they know the guy. One was his ex colleague who described him as a womaniser, second was a mature mummy whose niece he 'deceitfully' engaged and discarded himself with money she loaned him, third was a car dealer who had to arrest him to get the balance of his money. Note that these 3 people don't know each other and they didn't quite tell me it was bad news, they just went 'i know him sha oooh.... this was my experience.... I hope he's changed and I wish him the best'. This happened weeks ago and I took the picture down almost immediately.
Since then she's been back to calling me to help her with her cake design, fabric selection, asoebi colours, sending me pics to recommend a theme... just back to being the way we were, really (She's not really into fashion or trends and our friendship is the type that she will send a pic to ask if what she's wearing is alright or not). Her mum and i have been comparing notes, cos the wedding is in Lagos. Note that i didn't ask her what the reason for her long silence was.
I didn't want to ruin the vibe cos its celebration time. However she mentioned that her boo 'doesn't really like friends' and her folks are the best cos they are handling 'everything', while we were talking about preparations. She also mentioned something about exhausting her savings as sacrifice.
A part of me feels she didn't tell me cos she didnt want my opinion. And truthfully, its okay to not want my opinion cos its her life at the end of the day. But.... after this chronicle, i fear that that might be my friend in a few years - or even worse. She's my very good friend ( i mean, we both made our parents become friendly cos of how 'chummy' we were growing up) and shes a good good person. Stella this girl has a pure heart. But, It's hard for me to say anything because:
1. I wasn't asked so I should naturally mind my business abi?
Okay. If i decide to cross that line....
2. I'm unmarried (though 2 years younger)
3. She might think I'm jealous cos I'm yet to announce my own date.
4. She's clearly crazy about this guy and may want to have 'none of it'.
5. Frankly speaking, my friend is the definition of 'holy'. In her books i need a daily dose of Jesus to cleanse from my 'worldliness'. Which in actual fact is just me losing my virginity as an undergrad (breaking our deal-lol), having a few relationships, loving my red wine and not being a people pleaser. She never fails to remind me every time about these, so she wont take advice from someone who isn't as 'spiritually upright' as her.
A part of me wants to suck it up and respectfully carry on being a part of the wedding. Another part of me wants to have her back, just like old times. I would hate to hear that she was deceived. Or at least confirm that she has asked the right questions. She said she met him in church cell group. I'm hoping he has become born again now, shedding off his previous lifestyle/reputation.