wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked 300 sweets from tha corner store. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil dickhead w/ a hot mum & fake bling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? u are 1 fucking cheeky kunt mate i swear i am goin 2 wreck u i swear on my mums life and i no u are scared lil bitch gettin your mates to send me messages saying dont meet up coz u r sum big bastard with muscles. lol fuckin sad mate really sad jus shows what a scared lil gay boy u are and whats all this crap ur mates sendin me about sum bodybuildin website that 1 of your faverite places to look at men u lil fuckin gay boy fone me if u got da balls cheeky prick see if u can step up lil queer. If I wuz you m8 I wud shut the fuk up cuz u r a rite littl cheeki kunt. u think ur so kool m8 but ink again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper rumble. tha rumble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. my homeboys be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o’ newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a’ kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yer a stewpid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur in proper mess ya knobhead.ill hook u in da gabber m8 ill bash ye fooking ead in i sware on me mum. avin a giggle like that m8

What the in the name of the Queen did you just fucking say about me, you little chav? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SAS, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Ireland, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gentlemanly warfare and I'm the top rooter tooter long range shooter in the entire UK armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this great planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, chap. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the world and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, banger. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Royal Marines and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little muppet. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn dolt. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, mate.

To be fair, I did Nazi that coming. I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'Merican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. Yes.
I get this reference. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You must be a hit at parties. I like you. Doctors hate you! Instructions unclear. Dick caught in you magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. As a black man and as a gay man and as a woman, black people suck, gay people are gross and women are bitches. You must be new to Reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once, and it's almost as if Reddit is composed of millions of individuals with different opinions and outlooks.
This stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a bundle of sticks, 2/10, would not bang, not with that attitude. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! I really sympathize with pedophiles, but that has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. I have the weirdest boner right now. OP will surely deliver, unless he's a cop, in which case he'll just shoot your dog.

"Do unto others 20% better than you would expect them to do unto you, to correct for subjective error." - Linus Pauling