How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
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"They say that 1 in 3 live next to a pedophile. Not me, I live next to 2 beautiful 13 year olds."
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Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
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A man's wife is standing in front of the mirror. She says, "I'm fat, old, and ugly. Will you give me a compliment to cheer me up?"
Husband says, "Your eyesight is still excellent."
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A man called 911 and said "Come quick, my son swallowed a condom!" 5 minutes later, he called again and said, "never mind, I found another one".
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Why do black people only have nightmares?
The last one to have a dream got shot.
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What is the difference between Batman and a black man??
Batman can go into a convenience store without Robin
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What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.
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What's long, hard and given to Polish women on their wedding night? A new last name.
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What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.
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A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men". So he stabs her and steals her purse.
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What's the difference between black people and cancer? Cancer got Jobs.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other's a watermelon.
What do Michael Jackson and cheese have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling around in circles? Nail it's other hand to the floor.
How do you get a dead baby to float? Take your foot off of its head.