Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. 

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Q: What do you call a very rude bird?
A: A mockingbird!

Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.