I wait for time to pass 
4 hours until my next fix
then these fears and thoughts will be cast adrift 

I always think this will be the last hit 
Then the time comes and I can't miss
shaking sweating and nervious 
I am the perfect actress

All the years all of the lies 
nobody sees what I hide inside
I am screaming but never aloud 
I can't make a sound 

A life cursed by pain and isolation 
anxiety nightmares of my own creation 

4 hours until my next fix 
I can't last wish I could be stronger or wiser
how can I fight myself 
how do I accept what I cannot change 
when I am consumed by so much rage 

I take a hit and it all slips away 
then I can breath and finally I no longer feel 
but the high isnt so high anymore 
it doesnt last and I always fall
I don't think I will ever heal 

why even try when my life is all a lie