❤Funny internet dating stories






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When we got into the bar, we ordered some food and sat at the bar watching a group of completely inebriated guys make pathetic attempts to hit on the female bartender. On my fortieth birthday, I was talking to my dad on the phone, lamenting about my single status and whining that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life.
Spending some good time with a beautiful person will make you feel better and your Instagram feeds will be enough to make your ex-regret about losing you. Better still, they have near instant results and take only 20 minutes. I said I had older brothers and preferred getting punched most places other than the mouth. After a while, he decided to change the town, indicated in his profile, for a glamorous city nearby.
I broke my rule of no meals on a first online date and made dinner plans. He met himself to answer it, and that was forgivable the first time. The Glass is Half Full-ish. On our second date, at brunch, he admitted that he had dropped acid right before. We went out for dinner and drinks which he made me pay for myself which is whatever. Autobus we were watching the movie, she came into the living room and dumped something on my date's lap. I was just about to call. First date, we got drunk, went back to her place and she asked if I was down to smoke some weed. In his sheets, all over his u, even in the cracks of his wicker bed frame. 
17 People Share Online Dating Horror Stories - We went a long time just talking online and then eventually moved through text.
Never met up with him, but got an OKC message asking if I could wear a pair of socks for 2-3 months without washing them and give them back to him. Conversation is going all right and she asks where I am from. I tell her I am from a city near there that has a rougher reputation. She lights up when I say this and asks if I was in a gang and how many fights I got into. I did tell her I got into a fight after leaving a bar a year prior and I never want to do that again even though the fight was super lame. I ended up with a black eye after the tussle, I work in a fairly conservative engineering office, so I did find it funny when I told people I got my black eye in a fight when they asked. My date giggled at that then said she always wanted to get in a fight, but would hate to get hit in the eye. I said I had older brothers and preferred getting punched most places other than the mouth. In the middle of the restaurant. On our first date. I asked her politely to stop but she continued to do so. She did end up agreeing with me. We hugged, and went our separate ways, never speaking to each other ever again. After 2 weeks of talking and gaming together we decided to meet. Talked myself into going out with someone who had seemed duller than a bucket full of mud because he was, frankly, gorgeous. After hearing all about how he thought he was the reincarnation of an Egyptian princess, I switched the topic to books I assumed his would be Fifty Shades of Gay or the Very Retarded Caterpillar. Oh god… okay I have a story. I met a cute, longhaired metalhead guy on OKC several years ago, he was just my type so I was pretty excited. He also posted about how miracles are real because some relative of his recovered from a bad illness. I logged back in a few hours later to find a long, rambling, terrifying message about how I was a stupid egotistical asshole. I lived in a different state when we were talking , but still…too close for comfort. If you must know… I worship Satan. I would have loved to have drank your blood myself but had the feeling I would be full but only with self-pity. I used to be like you in fact my first degree was in A. I used to work on computers. Now I have a Ph. You just pissed me off so bad after I poured my heart out to you with my hospital experience. Open up your fucking mind and realize that there is more than just us here. You can take the bible and wipe your fucking ass with ass with it! Chatting to a guy for a while on OKC, he visits me from down south, all seems good, have foods, have drinks, have sexy times. Good 2 days with lots of noisy sex. Unsurprisingly I have no contact with him at all after that and still occasionally check his local paper to see if he was been brought up on any charges. Was never sure if I should have gone to the police or not… 7. Talked to a girl for a couple weeks when we agreed to meet up. The plan was to just cruise around all night. At one point we stop for a minute and she asked if I mind if she smokes for a minute. Then I hear this popping crackling sound…. I watched a girl do meth. Everything was cool, but never talked or heard from her again. Seemed like a nice girl, but considering the date started with an hour long phone call of her screaming at people over her baby daddy saying shit while driving erratically that girl was plenty crazy. First date, we got drunk, went back to her place and she asked if I was down to smoke some weed. She decides gets up to open up window got a bit smoky. She then decides to jump back on her bed, miscalculates and bounces off her bed then slams her head on her nightstand. Which got super awkward. It got even more awkward after, because she suggested we do acid. Have some drinks, watch TV, hang out with her cats, then have sex! Wake up to sunshine and cigarettes and kiss goodbye and head out. Cue two or three of her friends sending me death threats and harassing me for being a lying asshole and other psycho made-up things. Later on I take her to a restaurant for dinner, she wants pizza so we split a pizza. A few years ago a friend of mine set up profiles on a few dating sites and she asked me to join them, too, so I could give my opinion on the guys she talked to. So I put up blank profiles on two or three different sites. Every now and then, years later, I get dick pics. Dick pics on a blank profile. Do guys think this will work? Not worst, but strangest. This girl and I messaged back and forth for a while. Got along pretty well. We decided to meet up about half way between both our hometowns. We basically sit in the car for two hours insulting one another. She calls me short, I call her flat chested. Afterward, we say our goodbyes and I head back home. We chat via text for about a week after that, but soon realize that even though the sex was good, we were not compatible as friends. Never heard from her again. Girl and I had been texting, talking on the phone, even Skyped once it was dark and hard to see. She actually had a great personality and we hit it off. Her profile pictures were of a gorgeous girl, always posing seductively. She told me to meet her at her hotel room at the Adolphus in Dallas, TX very nice, very expensive. When she opened the door, I was speechless, this was NOT the girl in the pictures at all. It looked like she had eaten the girl in the picture! How could someone lie to me like that? I start talking to this girl who is cute and can keep a conversation flowing. We agree to meet up for a trivia night at a local restaurant. I show up about 15 minutes early and sit at the bar to drink before she arrives. When she arrives, she shows up with her best friend, which is no big deal to me. The weird thing is the girl I am there to meet shows up in a mini skirt and has a prosthetic leg! Not one of the ones shaped like a leg, a metal pole! I play it cool, I think, and am open-minded so I stick around. Turns out she is a HUGE alcoholic which is how she lost her leg and she is pretty much drinking 3 mixed drinks to my one beer. Her friend that showed up with her also happens to have a date showing up. The girls end up ignoring us guys and they are having their own conversations, so me and other dude end up talking sports stuff and end up getting along pretty good. We all end up going to a dive bar down the street after dinner for more drinks because its 2 for 1 night. Night ends there, and I agree to give this girl one more date on the off chance that it was just a bad night for the girl and she was nervous or whatever. Second date was even worse than the first date. She gets wasted and keeps accusing me of looking at other women and is hitting on other people while we are out. I leave and never contact her again. Get my dick sucked both times. She shows up at my apartment on Valentines Day, screaming, crying, and with a present. My roommate takes the present while I hide. Guy desperate to date me, hits me up all the time on OKC. Our match was 90-something%, my age, but had potato quality pictures. I reluctantly agree to an innocent coffee date.