Part 1.: http://bitbin.it/RS500Ofj/

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A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"
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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran.
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 "This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
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I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
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What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
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Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, "Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh". The next whale says, "Shut up, Steve. You're drunk."
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My grandad has the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the San Diego Zoo.


Part 3.: will be soon