One Line Jokes ============== + Judge to prostitute: So when did you realize you were raped? Prostitute, wiping away tears: When the check bounced. + Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes. + My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company… + What’s the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with the light on! + A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. +“De Beers” and “the beers” are both very costly, and both can sometimes get similar results from your girlfriend. + How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! + As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. + What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. + A day without sunshine is like, night. + Born free, taxed to death. + For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened. + A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. + What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold. + What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. + Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. + What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. + Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. + Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize! + Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. + When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. + I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen. + If you can’t convince them, confuse them. + Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. + Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey. + What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick. + Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? + Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. + Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. + If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. + What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick!