t such temperaments as hers and yours should unite. You possess a large
proportion of the animal. You have strong animal passions which have not
been controlled as they should have been. The more noble, elevated powers of
the mind have been servant to the lower, or baser, passions. You have failed to
be sanctified through the truth which you profess, have failed to be a partaker
of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through
lust.
23
Anna Hale is not a person who can endure the roughs of life. She is a frail
flower and would soon droop and die if exposed to storm and neglect. You
have not in your previous marriage understood the wants of a woman. You
have not appreciated her delicate organism. You failed, greatly failed, with
your first wife. She possessed a powerful constitution which can scarcely be
equaled for power of endurance, but she presumed too much. Your anxiety to
acquire led you both to overtax yourselves and be swallowed up in the cares
of this life, and to neglect present happiness and comfort, looking ahead to a
time when you should have more of this world’s goods, and then you could
afford to look after the comforts of life.
You have made a sad mistake. The life of your wife was sacrificed. She
might have lived. She ought to have lived. But you knew so little of woman’s
organism that you failed to have care, and neglected the preparation you
should have made for her comfort. To a very great degree you possess the
temperament of your father.
When you seek a wife, go not among the delicate and refined, where
the intellectual predominates. Select you a wife among that class more in
accordance with your organization. You cannot make a person of refined
spiritual temperament happy.—Letter 21, 1868.
Faithfulness in the Parental Home. It is by faithfulness to duty in the
parental home that the young are to prepare themselves for homes of their
own. Let them here practice self-denial and manifest kindness, courtesy, and
Christian sympathy. Thus love will be kept warm in the heart, and he who
goes out from such a household to stand at the head of a family of his own
will know how to promote the happiness of her whom he has chosen as a
companion for life.
24
Marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be only its beginning.—Patriarchs
and Prophets, 176.
I beg of you, yes, I warn you in the name of my Master, do not enter the
marriage relation and take upon yourself the responsibilities and obligation
of the marriage vows until you are changed in heart and life. When you can
make your own home happy, be a blessing to your father and mother, your
brothers and sister, then you can understand the duties involved in the marriage
relation.—Ms 2, 1871.
3. Individuality
Individuality of the Wife. A woman that will submit to be ever dictated to
in the smallest matters of domestic life, who will yield up her identity, will
never be of much use or blessing in the world, and will not answer the purpose
of God in her existence. She is a mere machine to be guided by another’s will
and another’s mind. God has given each one, men and women, an identity, an
individuality, that they must act in the fear of God for themselves.—Letter 25,
1885.
Separate Identity of Husband and Wife. I was shown that although a couple
were married, gave themselves to each other by a most solemn vow in the
sight of heaven and holy angels, and the two were one, yet each had a separate
identity which the marriage covenant could not destroy. Although bound to
one another, yet each has an influence to exert in the world, and they should
not be so selfishly engrossed with each other as to shut themselves away from
society and bury their usefulness and influence.—Letter 9, 1864.
A Passive Wife. Let the wife decide that it is the husband’s prerogative to
have full control of her body, and
25
to mold her mind to suit his in every respect, to run in the same channel as his
own, and she yields her individuality; her identity is lost, merged in that of her
husband. She is a mere machine for his will to move and control, a creature of
his pleasure. He thinks for her, decides for her, and acts for her. She dishonors
God in occupying this passive position. She has a responsibility before God,
which it is her duty to preserve.
When the wife yields her body and mind to the control of her husband,
being passive to his will in all things, sacrificing her conscience, her dignity,
and even her identity, she loses the opportunity of exerting that mighty
influence for good which she should possess, to elevate her husband.—The
Review and Herald, September 26, 1899.
Love for Christ, Love for Each Other. Neither the husband nor the wife
should merge his or her individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal
relation to God. Of Him each is to ask, “What is right?” “What is wrong?”
“How may I best fulfill life’s purpose?” Let the wealth of your affection flow
forth to Him who gave His life for you. Make Christ first and last and best in
everything. As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love for
each other will be purified and strengthened.
The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that husband and
wife are to manifest toward each other. “As Christ also hath loved us,” “walk
in love.” “As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved
the church, and gave Himself for it.”
No Arbitrary Control. Neither the husband nor the wife sh