I don't know what time it is anymore. I've lost track. I sleep at odd times, only for brief moments. Small snatches of time where I am not haunted by my past. By him. I woke up in the dark, immediately scared. My eyes darted around the room, dots at the corners of my eyes but no figure. No movement. I gazed towards the window, tendrils of light coiled through the slits of the curtains, making specks of dust dance in it's beam. I threw the sheets off of me and rushed towards the window.
The moment I pushed the curtains open, letting the morning sun spill in, illuminating the room I felt relief. For the first time in days I felt relief.
There will always be dawn. That will never change. The sun will always rise again.
I took a few deep breaths before turning to look at my room. It has been a mess lately. Papers thrown everywhere, salt circles on the floor, occult books thrown open with tabs on pages with no connections. Was Michael watching? Was he waiting? I touched the bruise on my arm from the night before. Faint hand prints wrapped around my skin in a purple hue.
My eyes drifted up to the doorway and he was there, smiling.
"See you in the afterlife, Meggy."
I stood still, staring at him. He looked the same. But different. It was his eyes that had really changed. No longer was there a sadness but an emptiness.
"I am so sorry, Michael," I whispered for the millionth time since he had died. For the thousandth time since he had started haunting me. For the hundredth time since the night before. I was always apologizing and his expression never changed.
"See you in the afterlife, Meggy."
It was all he ever said. He never said anything else. Just those words. Over and over and over. It was enough to drive anyone crazy. It was enough to begin to drive me crazy.
Please don't let me go crazy, nosleep.
Tomorrow hangs over my head. I have no idea what will happen in the next two days. Michael grows stronger every day. I can see him in the doorway, just waiting. The only thing between us is the space of floor between the bed and the door. A thin salt barrier keeping him from moving closer. And I keep searching. I am reading and circling, tabbing and highlighting. Anything and everything that could help.
How do I kill the dead?
How do I bring my friends back?
How do I earn forgiveness for the horrors I have done?
There are no answers. There are no answer. No answers.
So I am waiting. My only company the boy who I killed. Perhaps some of you are right when saying that the love spell that killed him bound us for eternity. Maybe he's waiting for me to join him. He's just in love. We're all just in love with something.
Penny was in love with games. And it got her killed. Helen was in love with passion. And it got her killed. Emmett was in love with flirting. And it got him killed. Hank and Laverne were in love. And it got them killed.
Penny fell through the ice when she was trying to find a new hiding spot. Helen was raped and murdered, just another prostitute to be used and thrown away. Emmett was beaten, dragged behind a truck and thrown in the Mississppi after flirting with a white woman. Hank and Laverne found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time while being tourists in New York.
1792, 1836, 1955, 1984. Gone, gone, gone, gone.
It's not paranormal to die. It's paranormal to stay with the living when you belong with the dead.
What if that is what is in store for me? Maybe I belong with the dead. I always have. Why not make it permanent. All I would have to do is step over the thin line of salt. I am sure Michael would make the transition easy. He loves me after all. I love him after all.
Love is going to kill me.