Why are green beans the most Zen of all vegetables? 
Because they’ve found their inner peas.

What do you call a fish without eyes? 
Fsh.

What do you call an alligator detective? 
An investi-gator.

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? 
Because it’s pointless.

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? 
One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.