i love luxury.
i love the "street".
i love rich food.
i love modest dressing.
i love refined tastes.
i love outrageous outfits.
i love stylish fashionistas.
i love real people.
i love beautiful figures.
i love deformed sculptures.
i love harmony.
i love controlled chaos.
i love obscene matters.
i love proper manners.
i love glamour.
i love natural beauty.
i love to walk.
i love to have a chauffeur.
the list goes on and on.

i don't swing from one side to another.
i'm simply the representation of both things at once.
i demand the gorgeous lifestyle,
yet i enjoy living unpretentiously.
i find that i often have differing social circles to assuage my needs of the moment.
but in fact, i simply fill in the holes and act as the opposing force in each circle.
i can't just live for what it is.
i need to contradict.
i need to let others see the other side.
you like violence? i'll show you peace.
you like the quiet lifestyle? i'll shake things up for you.

tonight, i have many urges.
i feel that i should tone down, before i don't even know myself anymore.
but i never forget the craziness inside of me.
the craziness that brews the restlessness, the impulsive recklessness.
this probably suggests the initial proofs of my personality disorder.
it's hard to explain, but it's there.
i'm comfortable, nurturing, loving - switch;
i test the boundaries, i push your buttons and i'll forget about you.
i pretend that i'm an angel and i'll trick you into thinking i'm a devil.
but really, i'm neither.

it's not instability. it's my innate sense of the way of life.
change. constant change. constantly moving.
i admire such people - the ones with the energy, curiosity, and zeal.
my need to experiment, explore and the ultimate goal: learn.
i will get down on my knees, play with mud,
bust my ass and break an atlantic ocean of sweat,
to learn, assimilate, and really understand something.
get in the mind of that person.
experience their experiences.
see life through their lenses.
i want to gain rare insights,
possess a view from another dimension.
blend in anywhere, lose myself in order to find myself.

don't call me crazy. i already am.
the best thing to do is to embrace it.
i admit, urges are dangerous things.
do not attempt to meddle.
sitting on the bus, raving hormones.
disturbing thoughts, literally shaking with superfluous energy.
this music is driving me insane.
i need to rest.
put myself to unconsciousness.
and go wild there.
that way, it's safer.

*
sometimes, you gotta fly before you walk.
i actually found peace with myself that way.
but i guess i'm just different.
don't mind me.

sweet dreams.