Extracting yourself from toxic relationships
If you suspect that a person in your life is undermining your goals, first, identify how they lead you astray.
Does this person routinely criticize or undermine the positive goals you’ve set, making you feel like they’re dumb or not worthwhile? Do they encourage you to spend beyond your budget, even after you’ve shared your goals?
If the relationship is harmful, then
you have to decide what’s to be
done about it.
You could do one of two things:
End the friendship. This is a
pretty straightforward approach
— you cut off communication and
the relationship is over.
Learn how to handle the person. If it’s your mom or girlfriend insisting you “deserve” to buy yourself a $300 pair of shoes or a coworker teasing you for “sucking up” when you’re only trying to do a good job, you can’t cut off
contact so easily. (Well, maybe
you can try , but in most cases the
fallout will make things worse!)
So let’s say that you’ve decided (or you’re forced) to continue to deal with this person. How can you handle them so that your success isn’t derailed? Here are a few options:
Be straightforward and inclusive.
Be upfront about your financial
goals, and try inviting them to
participate with you. “I’ve been
trying to save an emergency fund,
would you be interested in joining
me so we can do it together?”
Spend less energy on the
relationship. If honesty and a
“team” approach don’t work, you
might need to pull away from the
friendship. This might mean
hiding their Facebook status
updates, hanging out less often etc.
Focus on the good. Is there an activity that brings the two of you together in a positive way? Maybe when you do things as a part of a group, your friend doesn’t make negative comments. Or maybe when you go for a run together, he or she is too out-of-breath to make dismissive comments! Do more of those things and drop the kinds of social activities where your friend is more prone to undermine and criticize.
Finally, don’t forget you can expand your social circle! Find more like-minded friends who share your goals, take a successful coworker to lunch, or seek out a mentor to keep you motivated and on the right track.