We’re all guilty of getting this wrong sometimes. You think you’re being nice by acknowledging someone’s weight loss, only to receive an awkward response of “I’m still the same as before, but thanks anyway.” Worse, you’re accused of pointing out just how fat the person used to be before slimming down.

“What’s problematic is that everyone views it differently, and it’s hard to figure out which people want compliments,”  Some people crave recognition of their hard work, yet others see your “Way to go!” as a source of pressure. “For people who aren’t sure they can keep the weight off, all that attention is anxiety-provoking because they worry what people will think if they slip up,” 

Not sure whether to gush or not? Here are nine tips on how to artfully deliver a compliment without offending (almost) anyone.

1. Leave out the word “weight.”
The word “weight” is so loaded with negative meanings, you’re always safe using the more generic “You look great,” says Rubaum-Keller. “It can be a double-edged sword. People might hear ‘You’ve lost weight’ as ‘You used to be fat,’” she says.

2. Give them a chance to brag.
‘You look amazing! Tell me what you’ve been doing.’ This gives the person a chance to open up and say what’s positive for them,” 

3. Compliment big picture goals.

4. Save them for people you know well.

5. Share your own experience.

6. Keep them coming.
Worried you might be complimenting someone too much? There is no such thing as overkill to people who enjoy being praised. “Don’t worry if you sound like a broken record,” 

7. Ditch the disbelief.
Perhaps you really can’t believe your friend shed 20 pounds. Still, temper your enthusiasm. “Don’t say, ‘I can’t believe how good you look!’”  “Think about what you’re saying: ‘I can’t believe you did this!’” That’s not exactly empowering now, is it?

8. Don’t remind them how far they’ve come.
 “You’ve lost soooo much weight! You look so much better!” Even if it’s true,  “I don’t want to think that I was walking around for a long time looking like hell.”

9. Be a good role model.
You can’t expect someone to receive a compliment graciously if you can’t take one yourself. Create your own mutual admiration society by looking your commenter directly in the eye and saying “thank you” like you mean it. “Be thankful that you have people offering you the gift of kindness and positivity,” “Bask in the moment. Thank them for caring enough about your efforts to change your life for good.” Then gush away!