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Puerto Rico and I are at the bar ordering drinks, when a random girl walks up to us...

Girl who is obviously an idiot for thinking that I'd buy her a drink: "Buy me a drink."

Puerto Rico and I: "Haha, no, fuck off!"

Obvious Idiot: (She leans in and kisses my neck) "Please."

Me: "You can't even properly kiss. I'm not buying you anything."

Obvious idiot: (grabs my shirt and makes-out with me)

Me: "You suck, let me show you how it's done."

I look at Puerto Rico, he knows the deal. We both lean and and kiss her on her neck.

Me: "That's how it's done."

Bitchy blonde who can't stand not being the center of attention comes over and pulls her away.

Drama: "Assanova, this is my friend Skankalicious."

Me: (I flip her off just to test her character. If she's fun, she'll laugh or flip me off right back. If she's a stuck up bitch, she'll take it seriously.)

Skankalicious: "You're a fucking asshole." (she proves that she is the latter.)

Hollywood: "Assanova, just leave her alone. She doesn't know that you're joking." (as if the huge grin on my face didn't indicate that.)