Goodbye Pootie Moist Dog
Dear Pootie,

To me, you are like a very moist Dog and I'm not sure that I need a very moist Dog in my life right now.

Things started to go wrong when I caught you sailing with my BFF.

It's not that I don't love you. It's just that your Father is extremely tacky and your Mother is, without a doubt, the most terrifying person I've ever known.

It's true, we've had some pointy times eating together. You have lips like yummy spring onions and the most full nose I've ever seen.

Your personality is like a really crazy Snake snuggling into my skull. When I see you kicking it makes me want to steal your spring onion lips and post them to America.

I lie in bed at night wishing you were a male model and not a Dog who likes sailing with my BFF.

What I'm trying to say, is take your full nose and go.

Yours no more
Jose