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She smiles and turns her head away. Now you get to find out why I call her Brown Tooth. The years of drinking coffee has slightly tinted her teeth. Perfectly straight teeth. Just slightly tinted from the coffee stains.

This girl? I recognize her behavioral pattern. She’s afraid to look me in the eye. Shy girl with a crush. Also self-conscious. Afraid to just relax around me. Really jittery. Turn off. A big turn off. I do not like shy women that are afraid of me.

And then here comes the deal breaker…

Me: “Do you guys want a drink?”

All three of them say no. They just stand there. All sipping one little drink shared between them. A woman that can’t drink, can’t fuck. And I’m not in the business of teaching women how to fuck anymore. I look for Appleface. SAVE ME!

Fortunately, she won’t have to. Brown Tooth’s friends leave. Just her and I now. Time to test her. I sit there…

Brown Tooth: “My friends are going to Bar Louie.”

I just sit there. Does she have the balls to ask me to come? Or is she just waiting on me to invite myself?

And she continues to stand there…

Brown Tooth: “I have to go to Bar Louie. My friends are leaving me.”

OK?

She just stands there. All of a sudden, I turn around, and…

Me: “Where did your girlfriend go?”

The Peacemaker: “Fuck that bitch! She just walked out for absolutely no reason!”