Babe even God understands how you feel and he forgives you already...
for all Living things,there is a time to live and a time to die,no one is
guaranteed the life of Methuselah.
When my mum died and I stood starring at her,I looked up and told God he was fake and did not exist,I challenged him to make mama wake up if he is real...then i waited and nothing happened..I kept daring God until the final sand was dropped and I collapsed shouting and crying..will never forget...for a long time i did everything to show God i didnt think he was real....today I know he is and i love him and know he has forgiven me for my ignorance.
He has forgiven you too.