I need a different realistic view on this issue. my Faith level is on 0, i am mad as hell and i am beginning to doubt this whole thing of Faith, Christianity and God.
I lost my mother to a very silly sickness at 57, yes people loose loved ones every time but my mum is different, she is a very dedicated christian she had a genuine encounter with God. I can't even emphasize enough how she loves God plus she is over-confident in Christ. Mind you she is the strongest christian in my family, nuclear and extended.
How can God watch all this happen to her, my mum didn't enjoy her life like her friends because of this God-race, she denied herself of so much earthly 'goodness'. On my wedding day she even refused to wear makeup to grace me cause she said 'when you do things you don't normally do, you can fall sick' . She doesn't even pay 10% tithe she normally does 20% or less sometimes but she said she can't give God same as everyone, What about sacrificial giving?? she was on top of that.
My mum gave i and my siblings the best life you can imagine, she used all her gratuity on us just for us to sit with kings and queens (we even studied abroad) but now that we started making it, is when God thinks its OK for her to die? My mum was the most understanding mother, i'd always tell her mum manage this money now don't worry ill send in later, the next thing she would say is please my daughter take your time (she has never felt entitled to our money, even though we wrecked her financially). She was always broke, though she receives money, cause she would always help others. Do you guys understand my anger?
My dad is a Muslim (she was a Muslim too but converted like 27 years ago but my dad is a bit of a toughie. Anyhow my mum had so much faith that dad will be converted and even be a pastor and truthfully she was succeeding because dad started watching Christian programs and she even led him to accept that Christ is Lord and he said it. After my mum's demise, i spoke to dad about going to church and all and he replied 'please i don't want, i'm a Muslim and nothing has ever happened to me' i cried so much cause that was an insult on my mum and all she ever lived for.
To cut long story short i am demotivated to worship God, i hate going to church cause once i'm there, all they ever speak about is all my mum did, but preachers emphasize that that's we need to live long or even make it in life. So i really don't believe, i'm literally always 'yimu-ing' at any 'word' these days, i need help please how can i come out of this? If my mum were here she would slap me so hard for feeling like this,but i can't help it.