Every once in a while someone writes in asking us what kinds of games get Adults Only ratings. When you look at the ESRB ratings, AO games make up a smaller-than-ridiculously-small portion of the overall PC gaming catalog. At least, that's the way it is here in the US where bleeding viscera are considered less obnoxious than a naked pair of breasts. The European market is just as arbitrary but, thankfully, skewed the opposite direction to accept sex much easier than it would violence. Thank god we live in a day where the worldwide web and lax import laws give perverts like me access to both markets. Witness the latest cross-Atlantic offering, : Flirt Up Your Life. Like a used copy of Oui sent over to the States in exchange for a pistol, Singles: Flirt Up Your Life is a novel thing in the PC gaming market: a game about sex. It uses a Sims-like approach, placing two people in an apartment and challenging the player with managing their lives. Though there are no explicit goals in the game, the idea is to get these two roommates romantically involved and watch them do it. The game's challenge essentially boils down to this: If you and your roommate of the opposite sex were the only two people left on earth and only ever left the apartment to go to work, would you eventually have sex? The career-minded manager guy might find himself paired with the cold-on-the-surface-boiling-on-the-inside lady scientist. Or the slick ladies-man might move in with the shy girl-next-door. Each pairing requires you to intuit the types of interactions that each would most enjoy. Beyond that, the pairing of a messy and clean Single creates its own problems. There are two homosexual characters in the game, one of each sex, and these can be paired with the corresponding characters used in the straight game. Practically, there's no real change in terms of gameplay here. Even the sex seems to work the same. Personally, I think it's more fun to put the gay guy and lesbian together and see if you can make it spark. Strangely, though this inclusion of gay and lesbian perspectives makes the game seem pretty broadminded, the fact that all 12 characters are Caucasian doesn't admit much in the way of diversity. Though your roommates share the same types of needs and seek the same types of satisfaction found in The Sims, much of the bathroom-going, food-cooking, nap-taking action is automated. You can still direct each individual shower if you wish -- trying to get two people up and out the door in time for work will almost require it -- but the real emphasis here is on building up the various types of relationships that exist. Singles relate on different levels -- as friends, as romantic partners, as lovers -- and it's up to you to build up each of these meters to unlock new interactions which, in turn, allow for greater intimacy. Once you've managed that, you can start kissing and fooling around on the couch before finally hitting pay dirt and spending some time under the sheets. Until you reach full intimacy, you sleep Dick Van Dyke-style in separate beds. Though you're presumably going for the gold here, you can't really neglect your friendship and romance meters either as they influence your intimacy as well. This loop is really the heart of the game and the interactions between your roommates is genuinely fun to watch... I admit that the breast-caressing, butt-grinding and polygonal tongue kissing has a strange or maybe not so strange allure. At each new threshold, you'll be treated to an innuendo-inundated, scripted scene between the two potential lovers. The only complications along the way arise when one of the roommates isn't pulling their weight with the housework. I've had my actually argue about this but a quick bout of tongue kissing usually set them back on the right track. And though that's really about it in terms of gameplay there are a few other options to consider. For one thing, your Singles earn skill points as the game progresses. These skill points can be used to improve your domestic or romantic skills or to improve the pay you bring home from work every weekday. But these considerations of work or domestic chores are incidental to the romantic aspects of the game. And since the only pastimes in your house are cleaning the toilet or gently caressing your roommate's breasts, that's probably the way it ought to be. Honestly, with that kind of bathroom hog, I'm surprised my Singles didn't hit on the idea of a joint shower sooner. To get out the door by 9am, you'll have to be out of bed by 6. An hour for a shower, two minutes to get dressed, an hour well, an hour-and-a-half, really for breakfast and you're ready to go by, well, by 9:30 at the latest. Managing this stuff and finding time to be romantic becomes part of the overall challenge. Early on you'll need to spend a lot of time repairing things. I appreciate that starting characters should have the crappiest of appliances; it gives them a reason to go to work. But to have a shower, toilet, stove and refrigerator that conk out on an almost daily basis is kind of ridiculous. Still, considering that the only other thing you can do is tongue-kiss your roommate, perhaps tinkering with the potty makes a nice diversion every now and then. Love to kiss you but the commode just needs me more right now. Though there are indeed several qualities of toilets, there aren't too many types of items to buy for your home. Sure, there are couches and tables and beds and TVs of various quality, and you can buy plants and paintings and appliances as well. The real issue is that there's precious little that you and your roommate can interact with. You can watch TV or have dinner together but the game really could use lots more in the way of relationship-building objects. More than just board games and chick flicks at least. This lack of variety is carried over into wardrobes as well; apart from their signature outfit, each Single wears the exact same outfits. It's a game that builds to one moment, the instant that the two roommates eventually go all the way. You're not really going to see too terribly much here. And romance is probably the best topic to try. But as a consequence of this romance focus, the other areas of your Singles' lives seems pretty flat and uninspired. Unfortunately, there's simply not enough depth in the mechanics of romance here to compensate for the loss. It would be different if the romance mechanics included more than just hitting on each other in the apartment. Let the go out on dates to restaurants or the theater or for a walk in the park. Let them have romantic rivals or ex-lovers. Let the game build to something other than a hookup. Better yet, have an apartment building with multiple potential partners and let the player manage that. Hell, call NBC and see if you can get the Friends license. Make that game, Eidos, and I'll sue your ass off. The character models are superb. The faces are quite realistic and are capable of a wide range of emotions. The rest of their bodies ain't so bad either. It's hard to build game characters who are both realistic and genuinely attractive but Deep Silver has done just that here. The environments are a bit of a step down from the characters but they're not really the point, are they? Since you can view the action from almost any angle with your free-roaming camera, we won't complain too much. The apartment has large windows that look out on a very natural seeming neighborhood. The windows also allow sunlight into the house. The lighting changes as the day moves on providing appropriate atmosphere for morning, day, evening and night. While it's a nice effect, the game snags and loads an entirely new light model rather than gradually increasing and moving the sunlight across the house. This is just one of the performance issues that the game presents. Load times are really out of control. With all the data that the game has to load, you might want to launch the game before making sure everyone's out of the house, putting the deadbolt on the door and drawing your curtains. This appears to be a RAM-driven issue, however, so the better you are in that department, the sooner you'll get to the action. Soundwise, we're treated to the same sort of unintelligible gibberish that's found in The Sims. It's as charming here as it is there and definitely allows you to fill in the content with your imagination. Though this eventually gets repetitive, it's no where near as repetitive as the club music that plays throughout the game. That stuff is likely to be considered crap even by the standards of pe
