“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” – Hebrew 13:4
As years passed by, marriage becomes inconsequential to others. Infidelity becomes rampant that’s why trust is restricted. This happens in most cases like extramarital sex which usually occurs when a married person engages in sexual activity with someone other than his or her spouse. For us it may be referred to us adultery, fornication, philander, or infidelity. But according to Amy Calhoun, its fine to veer once in a while from the relationship straight and narrow. “It’s fine to kiss a friend without putting the marriage in jeopardy. It’s fine to kiss a few people. In fact, attraction to other people is a normal aspect of marriage, even happy marriages.” She indeed.
In a survey conducted by Lora’s College Psychologist Julia Omarzo and colleagues, people currently or recently engaged in an extra marital affair were ask to report on their emotional experiences during the affair. The participants were obtained from a non-random source, namely a website directed towards adults who engage in marital infidelity. Thus, the result don’t generalize to the cheating world in general. However, the findings were nevertheless informative. Of the 77 participants who responded (22 man and 55 women, ages 23-26), 73% were currently married. The number of extramarital affairs they reported ranged from 1 to 22, with an average of about 4, and most of these were ongoing relationships rather than one-night stands, lasting more than one year and, in some cases, as long as 5. They were most likely to contact each other by cellphone, meeting mainly at hotels, one partner’s home, work, or in cars. Nearly two-thirds of all affairs had started on friendly terms, with as many as one-half of them staying in touch on friendly terms.
With this basic facts in mind, let’s see why people engaged into having extramarital affairs. Here are some possible reasons as to why people indulge into extramarital sex. First, is because of early marriage. People who get married in their early 20s would most likely have achieve some level of stability and social standing by their mid-30s. At that point, they feel that they did not really enjoy life in their 20s, and find it exciting to indulge in an extramarital affair. It is their way of expressing the thrill and excitement of dating.
Second, is because of being married for the wrong reasons. Some people enter into marriage just because their family and society pressures them. After a point many people agreed to get married without even getting to know their life partner. Once the deed is done, they realize the mistake they have done in terms of the choice of their life partner. And if they find someone who is in any way a better match than their current spouse, they are immediately attract to him/her. And start a simple friendship and then later becomes an affair.
Third, because of inability to deal with changes. Life throw changes at us almost every day. Most of us are able to deal with the small changes. But a serious illness in the family, death, loss of employment, financial lost and etc. In this case, some men/women find more comfort in the arms of someone new, someone not connected to their tough circumstances in any way. Someone not their spouse.
Fourth, is the thought of becoming a parent. Becoming a parent changes everything about a husband or wife’s relationship. Priorities changed. While most women give their 200% to being mothers, men may suddenly feel lost and unimportant at home, and indulge in extramarital affairs.
And fifth, is because of physical dissatisfaction. This is probably one of the most common reasons for people to get involved in an extramarital affair.
Those causes stated above are based on research. It is how other people see extramarital sex. Now that we know why people engage into having extramarital sex, let’s see its positive and negative effects. On the positive side, people who cheated for sexual reasons tended to be emotionally satisfied with the outcome. But for those people that has been cheated on will suffer a blow to his or her self-esteem. They may have the usual thought of “was I not enough?” or “If I hadn’t let myself go this would not have happened.” Just as children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, many victims of an affair respond to an affair by blaming themselves.
The victim of an affair will find it difficult to trust. He or she may doubt their judgment of others. Even if this relationship ends, and another begins, the baggage of infidelity follow. The victim may also feel her or his world has turned upside down. Even the things in their lives that give them a sense of security may have been shattered.
