When I was in my twenties, I had an army of friends. Our commonalities consisted of shared interests such as clubbing, gossip, and excessive drama concerning our romantic issues. I surrounded myself with beautiful, elegant, and productive people because it subconsciously validated me.
As I grew older and reached a different phase in my life, my interests began to change. It became clearer to me what type of person I wanted to be and what values I stood for. I slowly pulled away from some of my old friends, towards others, and made way to welcome new like-minded people into my life.
The quote “The five people you associate with the most, you become.” strongly resonates with me. When I access my friends today, I wonder how I feel after spending time with them. If I'm constantly feeling drained, it's an indication that I need to re-evaluate.
I finally learned what matters when choosing a tribe. Instead of the superficial qualities I used to look for in friends, I now value loyalty, consistency, dependability, honesty, consideration, and generosity above everything else. However, sometimes it's hard to tell if a toxic friend is in your life. Here are some types of friends to avoid:
1) They Are Self-Absorbed
They don't value your time and only contact you or reply to your messages when it suits them. They expect you to make them your priority, but in return, you are not treated equally.
2) They Discredit Your Goals And Dreams
They either discourage you or lower your ambitions. Nobody knows you better than yourself, and you need to know what you can achieve. Don't pay attention to what they think, and prove them wrong.
3) They Lie To You All The Time
It doesn't matter if they're just white lies. A lie is a lie, and you shouldn't tolerate people who can't tell you the truth. Chronic liars will never change, and you deserve respect. It's better to lose a toxic friendship or isolate yourself from the wrong people than let them manipulate you over and over again.
Fear, not the enemy who attacks you, but the false friends who embrace you.
4) They Always Play The Victim
They tend to blame others for their own mistakes or shortcomings. They often tell you all sorts of stories just to make you feel sorry for them. Nothing is ever their fault, and they are always the victim in every scenario.
5) They Make Excuses For Everything
They refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They're too busy to be there for you when you need them. Furthermore, they promise you all sorts of things and then apologize when they can't keep their word.
6) They Intentionally Ignore You
They're sweet and kind when no one else is around, but ignore you when you're with a group of friends. They don't answer your messages or revert your calls even if it's urgent. Not only that, but they usually take a few days to get back to you, and they always say they're busy.
In life, you never lose friends, you only learn who the real ones are.
7) They Are Jealous Of You
They envy you and tend to knock you down or rain down on your parade. Instead of being happy for you when you achieve something great, they strive to be indifferent to your success. They can even talk bad about your partner just to make you feel bad.
8) They Constantly Use You
You're always there when they need help or a shoulder to cry on, but they're only nice to you when they need something. They take advantage of your kindness and never give you anything in return.
9) They Try To Change You
They don't accept you for who you are and sometimes seem embarrassed around you. They tell you that you should change the way you look, get a better job, or be more outgoing. Furthermore, they think they are better than you and try to change you.
10) They Judge You By Your Past
Everyone makes mistakes in life, but they refuse to let go of the past. They think less of you and lose respect for you because of the things you had revealed to them. They despise you, even though you are a completely different person now.
