You talk throughout the night and regrettably you have to wrap up your conversation as the party ends. You try to pry out some information about him, but talk around the water cooler begets the most terrible news. So what do we do when we fall in love with a married man? Do we start an affair or do we walk away and never know what may have been. There is so much information about how to be a successful mistress and how exciting all the sneaking around is, but no one ever mentions what happens after the fun and games are over. The best thing to do is to just walk away. I believe that when things are meant to be, they work out with ease. Well, I have a few reasons… actually I have many. There is no future for it Our affairs are doomed. Only 1 to 10% of men that have affairs leave their wives for their mistresses. Those are terrible odds! So just looking at those statistics, why would we even bother, looks like a sure way to court misery. Cheaters are going to cheat The basic rule has always been, if he cheats with us he will cheat on us. That old adage is now backed by science yay! A study by the University of South Alabama found that men that do leave their partners for their mistresses end up cheating on them as well. That is not comforting news. While all the while, we have to watch people walk by sharing that special intimacy, declaring their love for all to see. He is not going to leave her. His wife always comes first When she calls, he will leave us and go to her. When she needs him, he will support her. We come last because we have no legitimacy in comparison to a marriage. Did you know that when a man is having an affair, his sex drive revs up and he has more sex with his wife? Not logical, but it still hurts. Men cheat for sex Although women may cheat because we want an emotional connection, men tend to cheat for purely physical reasons. Admittedly, this makes me feel used. On the bright side, at least now we know. He is most likely just having a sexual adventure. Dr Susan Mandel, a family therapist, says that men cheat as a way of fixing their marriages. Men know that there is something wrong with their marriage. Is it really love? Call me naive, but I still believe that love should be that all-consuming desire that you feel for someone. Call me selfish, but I want it all, I want the hand holding, the nauseating displays of affection, the constant need to be near each other. I want the all-consuming honeymoon period. True meaning lies within actions. What has he done that shows us that he actually wants us and not an affair on the side? We decide who the one is: You and me. Anyone can cheat; the goal is to find someone that wants only you. But I really love him Some of us might already be in the middle of an affair and I would put forth the question, what do you want from your life? Is this what you want? If you want more and the answers to the other questions are no, then although it may hurt like a bad wax day, we have to leave. There will be tears and regrets, but we will finally come out of it on the other side, having learnt something valuable. We can beat the odds The thing is, even if we beat the odds of our affair lasting more than a year, we still have to deal with the fact that cheaters are going to cheat. So sure, we may have snagged our guy but now what? Do we constantly harass him about his whereabouts? Honestly, who wants to live that way? Just seems like a relationship not worth the hassle. How do I get over him? Spring clean This will be a long and bumpy journey, but we will get through this. The first thing we should do is to get rid of anything that reminds us of him, no excuses. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to throw out all those gifts and keep sakes he gave us. Delete his number, defriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on twitter, delete his texts — just get rid of him. If we happen to work with him or our paths naturally cross, it will be harder. All we need to do is keep that contact at a minimum, just abruptly end the conversation and walk away. What do you want from life The best way to never have to go through the ordeal of an affair again, is to simply avoid them like the plague. To do that we have to evaluate what we want from life, what kind of a person do we want to be? Do we want to be strong and independent? Will we be the type of person that refuses to settle? Will we be the kind of person that has enough wisdom to stop this from happening again? What kind of morals will he have? What will his character be like? Or not, that could be your thing. All in all, the best way to avoid this ridiculous mess, no exaggeration, is to not involve ourselves to begin with. Comment below and let me know how your affair has turned out, do you think it was worth it? I look forward to hearing your opinions. Hello my name is Mary I have had a relationship with a married man for 10 years it has been good at times and not good at others times. I know sooner or later it will have to leave him. I told one person a friend of mine about this she no longer lives in Texas and she knows my whole story about this. This past year has been very hard. Help Hi Mary, I understand you as I am also having ann affair with a married man since 5 month and i feel i love him also, is hard to leave him, but just today when i said i was leaving a dream that i wish i never wake up. The onlyone who will be more heart if you stay, is yourself, sometimes we need to think in ourselfs. These situations can be tough. Just practise that for a little bit until it is bearable to even imagine leaving him. You deserve a happy, complete, and full life with someone! Wishing you infinite happiness, Mary Hello, I came across your article when trying to research what do I do now? I just had an affair with a married man? Mine has not lasted long but I feel myself hurting so much already. We met on the phone as he was my interviewer for a job. We hit it off and a few weeks went by and we talked again since I had some more questions about the company. That led to us emailing back and forth then texting for a couple weeks. We met for dinner and I hate to say it but it was perfect. We got along on all levels of humor, intellect, religion, etc. I felt like crap after we parted ways because I am a Christian girl who would never do such a thing. Its like I use his excuse for not being in love with his wife as my excuse. He married a girl he got pregnant when they met on spring break 17 yrs ago. Apparently even his brother has been on his case to end the marriage. We are completely honest with each other. And he said my call to her was the best thing that happened to him because he was miserable in the marriage. I believe in my heart of hearts that people cheat in order to get caught. And everything happens for a reason. We dated for 5 happy years after that, and I eventually left him. But now, I have done it again…in love with a married man but this time the man is a dad to several young children. After my last break up that angel nearly destroyed me , I did not want to commit to any relationship but as a woman, I have needs. I created a profile on AM and pretended to be married. I met two men, one is a very sweet and smart man. Great in bed, generous lover but we never kiss. I prefer it that way. He is romantic in choosing the location each time. He meet for drinks and hit the hotel, have an amazing time then finish the day with talking and site seeing. The other man I met, from the instant I laid eyes on him, I was hooked. I was immediately comfortable speaking, touching, caressing and kissing him. We talked about our situations he believes I am married and my husband is away at work. I wanted to meet for coffee and a conversation but something always came up. I started to be distance, not text him as much as I would but he caught on. I finally had to tell him about my emotional attachment towards him and told him about not being married at all. I told him that I could not be his lover any longer and he was not happy. He actually was hurt or mad….. I asked to meet so I can discuss my reason for cutting ties but he would not allow it due to his hurt. We are to finally meet tomorrow nite to have this chat. I have never felt such a connection with anyone like this before. Its not just the intimacy that is wonderful but how we talked and felt for each other. He did say that he too unexpectedly and inadvertently fell in love with me too. God I hate this…. I wish he was mine. Dating a married man is complete no. In the beginning everything seems to be quite rosy, however that is a false picture. Sooner or later he realizes that his kids and wife are everything for him and he did a mistake by proposing you. He will change for sure, and if you get too sentimental believe you me you will never be able to come out of this. I was obliterated and decided to call her and inform her, appears that he has been doing it a while…. Problem is our offices are opposite one another, so the first week was tough, I felt like I was not going to make it. I made an appointment to see my GP as I needed the support, she put me on some temporary anti depressants and something to help me sleep. Second week got easier, I found that writing him letters explaining my feelings helped — even though I never gave them to him. Next week will be w
