Dear Dana is a bi-weekly advice column for humans who engage in romantic relationships. Dear Dana, I recently about 6 months ago ended a long-term 4. Over the past 6 months, I have been enjoying being single. Not in the picking-up-people-for-hot-sex way, but in the I-appreciate-my-own-company and love-having-free-time way. As what tends to happen in life, when you think you have things figured out and like where they are, everything gets fucked up. I met a man with whom I immediately connected, had stimulating conversation, and out of this world sex. This man lives in Europe. He was only here for a week. Part of me thinks this is the best thing ever He likes me! He really likes me! When I meet someone I connect with, I tend to get too attached too quickly. My question is: Do I stop talking to him and try to move on and never see him again? Or do I say fuck it and ride the train until it inevitably derails? The other half say to go for it, because you never know what might happen. What do you think? About to Buy the Ticket Dear About to Buy the Ticket, Congrats on the hot sex! And, even more, congrats on getting your sex drive back. But on the reverse, the more you use it the more you USE IT. You met someone you like and had great sex with. I think that being attached to this new man is quite normal. You were in a relationship for 4. You know how to be coupled. Being attached to someone is, in many ways, your norm. Being in a relationship, being alone, and dating are three completely different skill sets. You know what it looks like to be in a relationship, and you know what it looks like to be alone. What does it look like to date someone? How is that different from being coupled? What does it look like to enjoy someone, to talk to him and see him occasionally, but to not be his partner? When I was 29 years old, I had a 6-year relationship end. I moved into an apartment by myself in Chicago and set about the grim task of dating. Clearly, I was doing it wrong. As I dated, periodically I would find someone I got along with. He would be nice, funny, attractive, and I would immediately melt. Finally, my man is here. But after a few months of dating the relationship would fizzle out and I would be devastated in a manner wholly out of proportion with the relationship. No matter who the guy was, no matter the fact that us not becoming a couple was, in each case, a good thing. Every time, I was devastated. I hated being single and I was desperate to find a man to save me from this state. One day, I was dating a guy who was a wedding DJ. It was a Sunday afternoon, we were texting, and said he would call me later if he had time to come over. And I was sitting in my apartment, feeling terrible, feeling unwanted, on the verge of tears. And then I stopped. I shook my head. He was fine, we had fun together, but did I really want him to be my boyfriend? So why was I basing my self-esteem on a phone call from him? And then, sitting on my couch and eating tortilla chips out of sadness, on a Sunday night, I finally figured out the difference between dating and being coupled. Once I figured out how to date, I was no longer miserable dating. I loved dating, I loved being single. And then I had the opposite problem: I became so comfortable at being single and dating that, once I met my husband, it look me a minute to get back into couple mode. Dates should be fun and enjoyable and light and make your head buzz with excitement and possibility. Relationships should root you to the ground, they should feed your soul and make you feel safe and reassured. You have a crush on this guy. It can be funnnnnn. Yes, please, keep talking to this guy. Go to Europe, though. Do that for sure. She is the founder of and editor-in-chief of. You may find her on Twitter at dananorris.
