Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate. I thought it might be relevant to have somewhre to discuss our commone problems within the program, or even to share some of our uplifting stories. Anyone got something to discuss or share in here please feel free. Do not use this thread for chat. The last one got shut down, so we do not wish to see that happen again. Welcome to all those who wish to contribute. I am an AA member myself, and will break my anonimity as it is my own right to do so. In turn I can never break another's. That is the Creed we live by. I have been told that it only takes two people to hold a meeting. Someone told me once that a drunk of a stockbroker and a washed up alcoholic doctor were the first two to hold a meeting. They also told me that they went looking for other drunks to hang out with so they wouldn't drink themselves! Sounds like an odd way to get sober to me. I don't know, I just heard that once, and thought I'd share it with you. The same can be said of a social drinker....... That is the very reason we all need to be to-gether in the rooms of AA and wage war against this thing that would control our very lives. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. Many of us do not realize we are even alcoholics. I remember the day I first told my Dr. He quickly agreed I was indeed in trouble and promptly sent me to see a phychiatrist the very next day. The psychiatrist patiently explained what the alcohol was doing to my body. I really did not even realize it. All I knew was I didn't like Me much at all. The next morning after trying unsuccessfully to not drink, I phoned AA. That night I took myself alone and scared to my first AA meeting. I never looked back, and I never ever took another drink. It wasn't easy either. But being rigourously honest from the start, and adopting the 12 steps completely into my life, and learning how to live properly all over again saved my life. AA is not about stopping drinking, as much as it is about how to live correctly. In doing so, we learn how not to drink. Since it takes 90 days for the toxins and chemicals to leave your body, I can tell you it was honestly day 94 when I put a big black X on my calendar that I realized, I had a happy day, and I felt good and I did not want a drink. Do you know when I first got sober, I couldn't walk properly? It was so hard to simply walk around the 1 block in front of our beach-side house. My feet didn't even work right. There is no comparison to me then and me now. My oldest friends don't even recognize me anymore. I'm a totally re-created and brand new woman who loves this life very much. Keep Coming Back, It Works......... We are a Spiritual based group. You come to believe in a Higher Power as you see it. Believe in a door knob for all we care, or believe in the group as a whole. Just as long as you have a Higher Power that helps you to stay sober. Heck I turn my stuff over to whatever all the time. I ask for help every morning and I say thanks for the day every night. I have a Higher Power of my understanding as I came to know it based on my own personal needs. It is not like anyone else's in the program. It's just my HP of my own understanding. I may call it God or any name I wish. It's all my choice. There are open meetings, attend them and see for yourself. It's easy, and very Spiritual in nature. One of the biggest Myths, is this pre-conceived false belief by outsiders who do not understand. Although I have to say, in Arkansas with a church on every corner, in the Bible Belt....... I've been to them meetings....... Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. You pick what and how you believe. The nicest part is...... If your a social drinker it's not needed. An addictive personality can be addicted to many things. Right now I think I must be addicted to the forums...... But that is one that does not hurt me. The first 3 steps are what holds my program to-gether for me. And I do run a very solid program. I go anywhere and do anything now, and I cope. Just remember, it's the 1st drink that gets me drunk. If I Never drink that first drink, no problem. I know tons of folks who can have 1 drink, and leave it alone. As for me, well maybe a couple of bottles might do it. That makes me an alcoholic. So far there is no cure, except not drinking. As for it being a disease, a allergy, or whatever, there are various opinions on that. It is recognized by the US and Canadian medical fields as an illness. But many people do not believe it. Just as many do not believe in AA. It's all a matter of personal opinion. Some folks get sober without AA, and I have many friends who have done that too. It just happened to be the way my life went. Now comments on the 1st 3 steps that saved me........ We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable. I was so powerless over alcohol.... I thought I would never escape the desire to drink, and yes my life had become unmanageable. I'd call that pretty damn unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. I had to find that Higher Power. Which I certainly did. Of course I believe I was. At least my behaviour had been anyway. No sane person would have logically lived the way I did. When the drink comes before all else in my life, I call that insane. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I did turn my life over to what I now call my Higher Power. I get to pick what that is too. No-one says to believe in Religion to do it. I simply believe that something bigger than me can help when I need help. This does not mean my life is a easy one either, it simply means I am able to cope with life on life's terms. We are not allowed to chat on these threads, so I will not direct this post to anyone. It's simply what I know that happened in my own life. Step 2 clearly states that we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. In our guidelines all that is required is that our Higher Power be kind, loving and greater than ourselves. Most people first choose the group as their H. Actually, you and one other person is a power greater than yourself. Coming to believe for most of us is a process. This means we don't walk out of a meeting having full belief in anything, only that we MUST open our minds to the idea that there may be a H. This is our own very personal higher power which I happen to call God. It's not my mothers or my priests, it's mine. I do choose to call mine God as well. Only because I was traised in the old ways, and so it works for me. It's the one term that works, that and Creator. I also do enjoy the Native Spirituality ways. Somehow I manage to weave it all to-gether and have my own personal beliefs. It's kind of nice having my own way, and no-one can argue against it. To-night was a cold but nice night here. I went to my Dutton home group to-night. I chaired the meeting as Randy was still on Holidays. Wouldn't you know I turned the wrong way on the 401 and nearly ended up in London before I could turn around. Kit if you see this, I almost just gave up and went right to your house....... I'm so glad I did as the meeting was a good one and a few old friends I hadn't seen in a while visited us there. It's so nice when folks you started the program with come walking in after a few weeks of being at other meetings and you get that old familiar smile and hug. I have no idea what happens. The medical society might have an opinion on that question, but I do not. I never had a drink until age 22, and then I did the social drinking thing for years. Then we bought a nice little cottage rental resort at the Lake. I did not really have a favourite drink I liked. Then 1 day some-one gave me some white wine. Well let me tell you, I grew to love that white wine with a fierce passion over time. I got 8 years of drinking in until I realized what I was doing. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. Well it baffled the shit out of me and completely blind-sided me. It was sneaky and way too powerful for me to break free of. So I sought the only help I knew. He sent me directly to a phychiatrist to explain things to my befuddled mind. The next day I took myself to an AA meeting. The process took me 3 days. Scared to death too. But I did it. I have never looked back. For me the program worked from the start. I believe myself it worked because I told the bare truth from the start. I did not lie about myself. I just came clean with everything. It is foremost a program of rigourous honesty. To-day I am a grateful re-covering alcoholic. I have my life back, I do not feel sick anymore and I'm very happy. The questions you ask here Robert, are not for anyone to answer on this forum. We are not Drs. If some-one does I am sure they will let you know. It's the first drink that gets you drunk. If you never start... So your Uncle was correct. Yeah, so many never realize. I didn't know what the heck was wrong with me til it was shown in graphic detail. I can't blame my folks either, as we never even had a bottle in the house and my folks never ever drank. My grand dad was a severe alkie though so who knows?? If I had to hazard an uninformed guess... I would say I made some very stupid life choices early on. I just didn't know. I lived a pretty sheltered and secure life for most of my youth. I did marry an alkie and found the lifestyle quite exciting. That was mistake one. But it was MY mistake......... Teach me to examine my life and motives. Love you too sweetie...... It isn't about religion and will in fact mess up the working of a program. Majority of people especially on a dating site believe in the power of love. The third step can be translated to say: Made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of Love. Means essentially the same thing but allows people who may have a problem with a preconceived idea of God to understand and accept what it is they are striving for. When a person tries to live a life from the basis of doing that which is most loving, a spitirtual awakening will be the result. Free for all to Read. Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or religious experiences, must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous. In the first few chapters a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable. Well your Uncle was exactly right about that. It's the first drink that gets you drunk. Remember that one too. To The MODERATOR here........ Please move this thread to a more appropriate thread. I don't want it disappearing like the last one did. Constant drinking is an indulgence turned into a habit that becomes a learned behaviour. The step should read- I realized I must regain control of my life. The 1st step merely sets up the 2nd. Morality has nothing to do with drinking!!! Can you say Guilt Complex? This is just more moralizing. We all have shortcomings, without them we'd all be perfect or robots! God forbid you actually try and confront your addiction. This program clearly has a religious framework. You pick what and how you believe. It may not be the only way... I guess they are entitled to an opinion. Please do share your alternative solutions with us... Couldn't you address my comments? Couldn't you tell me HOW you think the program works? My version is about taking responsibility for your own health. I don't see how even hardened drinkers can avoid that and succeed. Saying you are not responsible is a cop out. Calling it a disease is no excuse. Real acoholics die because of the shortsightedness and judgmental behaviour of people like you. This fallacy is often promoted by those who aren't alcoholic. The responsibility ultimately rests with the alcoholic but that still does not absolve those who knowingly promote false beliefs when public awareness of the disease of alcoholism is recognized by the medical establishment.
