However, after partaking in my own dating experiment, during which I went on one date every night for a week, and two dates on Friday, I finally reached my ultimate conclusion. I want to preface that for everything I say, I know there are a ton of people who will disagree, and have the relationships to prove it, but as I ventured into and out of the virtual dating sphere I found out a lot about myself. Additionally, I know my experiment might sound extreme, but I needed something extreme to happen for me to really give it up once and for all. This is what I found out: 1. I think you catch my drift. However, the problem arises when you finally do get excited, but continue to keep swiping because why not? No One Was Ever Who I Thought They Were As you make matches, swipe past people, and possibly converse you start to build an idea of who the person is on the other side of the phone. You create an ideal, and all of a sudden every little nuance becomes a bigger complexity to who that person is, and how they operate. Mister Amazing loses his luster. He either starts creeping real hard, says something that throws everything off, disappears, or just never decides to meet up. If by some crazy force of nature you guys do set a date and meet, chances are he isn't who he claimed to be, or who you built him up to be. His confident demeanor is replaced with one that is far less interesting, and not having the phone as an easy buffer shows you a much different person than the one you thought you had been chatting with. This is why after 6 first dates in 5 days, I not once found myself wanting a second date. I Am Pickier Online Than In Real Life Having someone be presented essentially as a two-dimensional option, rather than a real life opportunity makes them feel much more disposable. I know personally, I looked at everything: from what you said on your profile, to how you said it, to what pictures you picked to best represent you with not just a little bit of judgment, but a lot. These other important attributes are what creates someone's individuality, and takes them from being just anyone to uniquely them. No thought other than, nope, not what I think I like. Hair, eyes, skin color, height, weight all became your stats in a world where I had never used statistics to make my choice of who I might be interested in. Yes, all those things did and do continue to play a part of who I am interested in, but online they became all I saw, and I left little room to be more open-minded than had I been meeting these gentlemen in person. Video games, if you will, where you become the player, and everyone else is the game. I hated the game and playing only made me like myself less and less. I was holding myself back. I acted more way casual, and less emotional than I really am. I put only the best pictures of myself out there, but not what I look like when I wake up in the morning. Focusing your attention on others as a way to not look in the mirror, and find what's truly wrong, hurting, or uncomfortable at this moment in our own lives. One of the hardest things to do is look in the mirror and be honest with yourself because there usually is a lot of sadness, confusion and disappointment. However, when you finally admit this to yourself, you take the first step to changing all of that. It Made Me Crazy Thinking about who I could meet, having numerous conversations with multiple people, and trying to keep up with all of it was exhausting. Call me old-fahsioned, but I think there's something beyond romantic about meeting someone, one person, and courting each other. Finding out about each other, focusing on just him, and seeing where it could go. Having Larry, Moe and Curly in the wings just kept me unnecessarily anxious, unfocused, and a part of the three stooges. Call me crazy because I was for thinking I wanted to, or could juggle that many men at one time. They wanted something, but not a relationship. They wanted someone to have dinner, a conversation, or sex with, but not actually a relationship. Essentially, they wanted to win the game, by winning me over, and that was that. After being off all dating apps for about a year, I can honestly say I am more at peace with my life, my love life, and myself. Frankly, you need to be doing the opposite. Look up, look around you, look all over. There are great, funny, interesting individuals all over the place: at work, on the subway, in the grocery store, on the street. The key is to just get over yourself, and say hi. Forget about the buffer, forget about your pride, forget about everything because when you see someone in real life, and they give you butterflies, you need to honor that feeling and fly with them. Enjoy the process, enjoy your time, and most importantly enjoy yourself because until you do, no one else is going to enjoy you either. Finding inner peace shows, and will create peace in all other aspects of your life. Good luck, and happy dating. If this piece spoke to you then I highly recommend:.
