Hi folks, first time poster but I've viewed the forum from time to time as an unregistered user Can't sleep for some reason, so I thought I'd browse the net for a bit. Surely I will pay for it at the office tomorrow :P Anyways, I have some experience I want to share vent?? I've recently moved to Austin, TX from Boston, MA. I've done the match. I was getting about 5-7% response rate, but after researching the topic a bit online in the last few days, I didn't know how good I had it! Fast forward to now. I've moved to a new city, and I'm eager to meet new people. However, in the few short months I've been here, all the women I've met outside of the work are either taken or married. It doesn't help that I work in an all male environment either. So I thought I'd give match. And so far, results have beena absolutely abysmal. It's been about a week, and I've sent out about 50 emails, and have received ZERO responses. Before we go any further, let me give you some background about myself: - I'm a young professional male in my late 20s, working at a Fortune 500 company and have a great career. I have a graduate degree from a prominent grad school. Before you call me crass, note that I did not disclose my income on my profile, nor did I put up any pictures with my car in it This is because I naively?? And I'd like to think the women on match. But a close female friend suggested that I include it as it shows financial stability. I'm not so sure I haven't changed my profile , but that's the topic of another discussion. I did include what I do for work, so the enterprising lady can get a general ideal from glassdoor. And I've put up pictures on hotornot. Both approved and said it was really funny. Both are very attractive as well, if that makes any difference. Each email is usually not super long, but customized for the her. So I think I'm a great catch. Seems like I've ticked all of the usual boxes. But now the down side: I'm Asian. I will date women of any ethnicity, as long as I find her appealing. But because of my ethnicity, I'm already excluded from 30-40% of the women on match before I even began. This includes women of all ethnicity - White, Hispanic, Asian etc. And if I learned one thing, it's that women on match will not deviate from their ideal. True, I only email women that I find attractive physically and personality wise. But I will not lower my standards just because the women on match. But this kind of trend certainly doesn't do well for one's ego. I did a bit of googling on the topic and apparently men in general are having a really tough time on match. My question is, what changed? Why the discrepancy in response rate from Boston to Austin? Could it be that Boston is a more liberal city such that my ethnicity is not as much of a factor? Anyways, I'd love to hear people's thoughts. And also feel free to share your match. Unfortunately, since this falls into the realm of personal preference, there is nothing you can do to change perceptions. What you can do is keep trying, or take a more passive approach and see who indicates interest versus you initiating contact via a match. If you think you'll have better results if you focus on Asian women, perhaps a site that specializes would work. Of course, nothing beats face-to-face meetings, since stereotypes are quickly demolished when you can actually talk to someone. You may find that dating sites aren't as effective as getting out socially. You also have to realize that on most internet dating sites... Also keep in mind, you are not the only great catch on there. Those same things you listed are the exact same things many other guys bring to the table as well. For what I've seen, a lot of Asian women want to or only date White men. I have not seeing White women dating as many Asian guys. I live in MA and as you stated it's a very liberal state, and still here it's very odd to see Asian men with non-Asian women. As a woman who's on Match for the second time, all I can tell you is to be patient and give it a few months. One of my male friends was in there for 2 years before he met his SO. They've being dating for 9 months now, so there's hope, but do not limit yourself to online dating only. I understand that you are in a new town, but there are a lot of things you can do. Try a Meetup group, and do things that interest you. You might meet someone especial offline. And please, do not put your income and pictures with your car. Real women do not care about those things as long as you have a stable job. Listing what you do for work is enough information for smart women to figure things out. If it makes you feel better, I get tons of emails but very few from men who actually meet my criteria, so you are least being respectful of what women want, and for that I say kudos to you It's a tough market for us singles, but I do not lose hope. Good luck in your search. IMHO, there are far more men using on-line dating than women. A lot of these guys are looking for hook-ups. Many of them are married or in relationships. Then you have ones that are in it for ego boosts, not to find a mate. They have no intention of actually going out with anyone. I think that's why women get deluged with messages from men. I am sure the attractive ones who post their pics get many, many more messages than the average woman. It would be a full-time job to write and go on dates with most of the guys who express an interest. Most people don't have that kind of time. I guess that's where the pickiness comes in. If you get 50 messages in one week, how do you decide which ones to answer? Mostly likely you go for the ones that meet and exceed your criteria. Also, being Asian could have something to do with it. A lot of people are not adventurous. They prefer to stick to the familiar. They get scared off by what's different from them. Some people don't mind, some seek it out, and some run from it. Easier said than done, I know, but online dating is weird. That's why I tell my guy friends who want to try online dating that it is not as easy as logging on and having one's choice of beauties to date immediately. It requires patience and persistence. I had success with it, I met a lot of attractive girls, but I didn't really enjoy it. Lets just say lots of people strongly misrepresent themselves. And I'll be blunt, being an Asian male can hurt with some women because of the 'checklist'. But this is mostly online only. For example, if I were dating online, I probably would stick to my age checklist, i. But I've dated women older and taller when I met them IRL. Similarly, I'm a white guy, but my Asian guy friends IRL have no problem meeting women of any race. Point being, if match. There are many other ways to meet women. One is to find a buddy you work with, even if he's married, to be your wingman. I know this is harder than it sounds, most guys suck at this big time, but I find that nothing beats a good wingman when it comes to meeting women. I suggest getting more hobbies, varied ones, and trying to meet women that way. Also put the word out to family and friends that you're looking and to introduce you to someone ATTRACTIVE. I really like the emphasis on ATTRACTIVE. I'd amend the suggestion to focus on your guy friends to hook you up since women are terrible at setting people up and should probably be legally banned from doing so. And I agree, people can be very picky online, not just with their checklist but with expectations. The irony, as I mentioned, is that despite this so many women misrepresent themselves weight, old pictures, pictures from flattering angles, etc. So in summary, I'd say continue match. I've had friends rave about 'Plenty Of Fish'. There is also the much derided bar scene, which I happen to love. IMHO, there are far more men using on-line dating than women. A lot of these guys are looking for hook-ups. Many of them are married or in relationships. Then you have ones that are in it for ego boosts, not to find a mate. They have no intention of actually going out with anyone. I think that's why women get deluged with messages from men. I am sure the attractive ones who post their pics get many, many more messages than the average woman. It would be a full-time job to write and go on dates with most of the guys who express an interest. Most people don't have that kind of time. I guess that's where the pickiness comes in. If you get 50 messages in one week, how do you decide which ones to answer? Mostly likely you go for the ones that meet and exceed your criteria. Also, being Asian could have something to do with it. A lot of people are not adventurous. They prefer to stick to the familiar. They get scared off by what's different from them. Some people don't mind, some seek it out, and some run from it. Also, a good point I forgot to mention. The highlighted portion of this quote, is another HUGE hurdle for single guys. There are MANY married and attached men on single sites lying about their situations. And when women date these guys and find out they are married they are even more cautious, more picky and more ticked off at times, when giving a new prospect a chance. No one should rely entirely upon online dating. You should think of your online presence is one leg of a chair. In order to broaden your reach you're going to need to go out and socialize and make friends in addition to your profile on Match. This rarely works out because finding a partner is not another item on a task list or a project to complete. You are thinking of women and yourself only in terms of a list of attributes. Too much online dating does this to people I think. It's a shame that you've divided this list of your own attributes into assets and liabilities. The fact that you're Asian could be very attractive to a woman.
