What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students? A PDF file!
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."
