Whether you consider it a dangerous side-effect or a happy accident, the increased equality and visibility for LGBT people has led to a perceived lack of need for sexual labels. Research has shown that a number of people who prefer not to identify solely as gay or straight is rising, with one study revealing only six per cent of young people now view themselves as exclusively homosexual. While it gives them sexual freedom, it can destroy their relationships with families, leaving them open to prejudice and criticism in their everyday lives. Should he have to? Does it make his feelings any less real? James identifies as gay, but his first proper relationship was with a man who did not. A relationship with a straight guy can, in a way, reverse that, dragging you back into the closet. The ability to go public about their relationships is very important to many gay men — even if it attracts negativity. As a fresher at university, Robin, then 18, fell into a relationship with Dom, 24. He absolutely had 100 per cent control over things; the code of conduct imposed on us was coming from him, not me. Simon was 17 when his hitherto straight best friend made a move on him. He would always tell me he wasn't like me, and couldn't be, because he 'had his whole future ahead of him'. The idea that my future was irrelevant and that admitting he was with me would ruin his made me feel worthless and I ended up battling for years. Gay men aren't toys to be practised on. Bisexuality was often the only concession to less binary labels, but is and was often a source of derision among straight and gay people alike, characterised by accusations of greed or indecision. The closest anyone got for many years was the advent of metrosexuals — basically straight men who used moisturiser and took longer than five minutes to get ready in the morning — and drunk straight women getting off with each other for a dare. And even these were very much about straight people play-acting than any serious comment on evolving sexuality. Everybody else had to stay in lane, their labels hanging over them. A sign things could be changing, for the better, are men who are comfortable with their status as a man who sleeps with men, and refuse to be bound by labels. Years after his straight-guy experience at uni, Robin somehow once again found himself in the middle of another heterosexual man's coming-out story. And I thought that was adorable, and sensible, and kind of romantic. While some men may both have the strength of character and also the front — and it takes plenty of that, be under no illusion — to reject these labels and still be open, it should be said that labels can sometimes facilitate this. All the time, and not too far away from us, people are fighting for the right to call themselves LGBT, but for your right to define yourself however you choose — gay, straight, fluid, curious. Just as out gay men have a duty to protect themselves from others forcing their own will upon them, maybe those refusing to conform should acknowledge their sacrifice and honour them by supporting the gay and bi brothers who keep their secrets. In private, in public, wherever.
