We sent a bunch of women a series of questions pertaining to the etiquette of female friendships, as it pertains to dating: Can you date a friend's ex? What if you hate your BFF's current significant other? What's the best way to react to a girlfriend's breakup? The answers we got back were surprisingly universal, and nearly unanimous. PHOTO: Getty Images Group of friends eating fast food with chopsticks Sure, all relationships and friendships are different, but when it comes to navigating dating and female friendships, some rules apply in all situations. When you're out together and single... If this means keeping the Ugly Friend engaged in conversation, then so be it. Sisters before misters, hos before bros, whatever. If the object of your mutual desire approaches one of you, but not the other, the lucky one should really think twice before flirting back. Unless this person is really really really really hot, in which case, hopefully the rejected friend will be a real pal and let you have your moment. And even then, use your judgement, and not hers. When one of you has a date... Maybe this means giving a pep talk on the phone, maybe this means approving outfit choices on Skype, maybe it means meeting up at a bar for a confidence-inducing tequila shot. But basically, her dates should be met with as much enthusiasm and in some cases, patience as with your own dates. But you should be vaguely aware of her dating schedule, and if it's a big date, you should be within text-messaging contact, even if it means texting under your coat at the movies. You are thrilled for her, you can't believe how romantic it sounds, you hope she'll consider an autumn wedding because you look really good in cranberry. If the date went fine, you will maintain a positive attitude, tell her sometimes chemistry takes a little while to develop, but be perfectly understanding if she doesn't want a second date. You'll be shocked and appalled — you won't try to one-up her with a story of your worst first date, not now. When she shows you pictures of her date on Facebook, you will remark that you're surprised the image didn't break the computer screen. Is it okay to date... Not ever, in any circumstance. Unless you fall madly, passionately, permanently in love, in which case, you're in a pretty tight spot. You'll probably have to choose between the two, and if you choose the ex, assume this means the end of your friendship. Maybe she'll be surprisingly cool about it? Maybe somewhere down the line you two will be able to move past this? But, until that proves to be the case, operate under the assumption that dating her ex means it's over between the two of you. B Someone she dated only casually, a long time ago? Not without asking her first. And then, if she says it's fine, ask her again, because you know all too well that sometimes when we say something is fine, we don't really mean it. Still, it's imperative that you have a conversation with your friend before going ahead with the date. But if he or she is the one who didn't call her back, then think twice before dating. It's not cool to go out with someone who rejected your friend. When your best friend is in a relationship... Even the most loyal of girl friends can sometimes get neglectful while in the stages of newfound love. It sucks that your friend seems to spend all her time with her Significant Other, but you've been in love before, right? Give her time to be a shitty friend, and hope that some day, when if you ever get so wrapped up in someone, she'll return the favor. But if enough time has gone by and you feel like your friendship is seriously on the rocks, definitely have an in-person, non-threatening conversation. And if you ever find yourself navigating the tricky waters of a new relationship and old friendships, make sure you're putting in time with just your girlfriends, while also making an effort to integrate your significant other into the group. Just don't invite the old ball and chain all the time. Hating your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend is the worst. Suddenly your social circle gets a tool-ish new member, and you have very little say about it. You cannot believe your darling BFF can't see what an absolute monster she's dating. But you cannot say anything about it to her. It doesn't matter if he has horrible breath, makes vaguely inappropriate remarks whenever she leaves the room, woefully takes advantage of her, has terrible taste in music, or sucks the life out of every party with his mere presence. If she's dating him, you've got to deal. If this guy really does suck, she'll see it eventually, or it will become obvious that no one in your group of friends loves the guy. But if you tell her she may feel like you aren't supporting her or she's being attacked. If she really loves the guy barring extreme circumstances , you've just got to be a supportive friend. How to be supportive during a breakup... Spend the night at her place, or invite her over to yours. If she feels like talking, listen sympathetically and hand her tissues. If she doesn't feel like talking, sit next to her on the couch. Send her texts throughout the day checking in on her, letting her know how much you love her. Don't let her feel alone. Help her block him from all the social networking sites. Go out with her if she feels ready, be understanding and supportive if she doesn't. Let her know she can come over to your place at any time, if she just needs to be around other people. No, she won't want to, but it's time. Slowly encourage her to participate in quotidien life again. Help her get rid of her ex's things, once and for all. Reassure her that yes, obviously she's hotter than anyone her ex will ever date again. And be there for her, without judgement, if she relapses into the hysteria of Stage One again. Otherwise, follow her lead: she may want you to unfriend him, in which case you should, unquestioningly. If the split was amicable, then it's probably fine for you to remain friends. What rules would you add to the list? More from HowAboutWe: Photo: Thinkstock ©2018 Condé Nast. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast.
