I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. Where do you go to meet someone at my age? I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends. I have four grown who are trying to set me up I love them, but what a nightmare!! What do single people do at 40 and over? Loriann Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love: You will not find it unless you do something differently. You said it yourself. Your friends are married. What do you expect me to tell you? If not, what exactly are we going to talk about for 12 weeks? Where does this leave you? Apparently, it means standing around a lot, hoping that a cute, age appropriate, interested single guy happens upon you at the bar, the market, college, the gym, restaurants, parks, and airplanes. Eat out, grab coffee, and hang out at different places each week. Go to any party you're invited to, join clubs with people who do what you like to do, volunteer, get involved socially. As a dating coach, I know that people resist it because they're scared to try something so unfamiliar to them. But it's like anything else — there's a way to do it successfully, and it's a great way to meet people you wouldn't normally meet. I believe firmly in getting out of my comfort zone and in a sense, I am comfortable making myself uncomfortable. None of that has worked. Most of my interests are those that should be male dominated. I like to build and remodel. The parties I get invited to now are toddler birthday parties. While I think in theory that your advice is good, I have found that in practice, it is not me, it genuinely is them. I studied every site on how to create a profile that does not attract the creeps, how to be positive, and how to date successfully. Yet most of the men, even on paid sites, turned out to be completely disordered and hiding behind technologically to establish the initial connection in order to get their latest victims hooked. And yes they are mostly disillusioned and covertly bitter. My last date continually lied about wanting a relationship and being single when in reality, he was actually living with someone! But I also met my boyfriend on there, and he was more than worth the wait. I also know 40-something women who find boyfriends and even husbands online, so I know it must be possible. Another former colleague of mine got divorced not just once, but twice and they sound like ugly divorces, not even amicable ones. She still managed to find true love with her third husband now. And this third one had two divorces under his belt too. The second one was like something out of a TV movie of the week. One day he came home and the closets were just cleaned out, with no trace of her. The only contact she made with him afterwards was to serve the divorce papers. They both had more than enough reason to have gotten disillusioned and given up on love, with four nasty divorces between them! If they could get past their bad experiences to find love, anyone could. Unfortunately, I only get contacted by guys that are under 30 online… way opposite prob. Anyway, I googled how to find a single man in his forties, and this was the 1 result so I thought I would comment. Sometimes, though I get frustrated and want to give up — Why not me! All I want is an educated, confident, loving, sweet guy who loves Jesus, nature and enjoys being a goofball too! Reading your post gives me some hope that my lifelong dream could actually come true. I could not have said that better. I have had the exact same experience. I believe it is them also. I am in awe with the victim mentality and the hostility towards woman. The dating sites are horrible. I get the exact same thing, men way too old or men only looking for sex. I am unwilling to go on a second date. There just has to be a better way to meet a half way decent man then the dating sites. The first was divorced and disillusioned ….. The second was the worst — he was almost perfect then one day said …. This article seems to miss the point. The majority of men on dating sites are NOT looking for what women are looking for— I note the only positive comment on here was from a woman in her 30s. If you meet someone organically, you can only hope his motives are different. Same experience for me as well! I get men that are older than me. The best part of all was when I got a stalker! I had to go to court an everything! It helps to see that theirs not something wrong with me. My friends give advice saying your not putting yourself out their…ha really! Speaking from a person that got the only available bachelor in church. Good luck to all of you. I work in an industry that is monopolized by women. I have done online dating on and off for 15 years. I have lots of male friends, I am part of a running club, I am even in the military but still all I meet is married, attached or gay guys. And by the way I also has lots of single female friends going through this too. Men in their 40s want younger women. This notion that men age better than wo
