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Before i 'flush' back err run a flashback i want you to be a li'l serious and stop advertising your jaundiced teeth. San Unneeess sau pacchhasee 1985 ki baat hai december ka sard zaalim maheena. A baby boy was ushered into this world at about 4 'o clock in the morning probably crying loud enough to piss off gabbar who resided some 50 miles away. That was the only occasion in these 21 years I woke up that early in the morning. I prefer my kitchen garden.. Gawd it stinks like hell.. Ahh well I prefer it shaken but not stirred. Funny days were those. I used to toddle about the dining room and reach the kitchen to see momma cook, waiting anxiously for her to look and throw a endearing smile at me, and when she did, I would chuckle and clap my hands gaa-gooing loudly, and eventually land on my bums. I kept repeating this act while she was in the kitchen. And at the end of it, when she was done with her chores she would hug me and kisses followed and I gaga-gooed even louder. Ahh the joys of the first born kids. But then this smooth run took a jolt when I was just 2 years old. One night I complained of severe headache by what else but crying non-stop. It was quite unlike her li'l baby, and thats why my mum was worried. When the in-house recipes failed to alleviate my pain, the ped was called. But in vain as even after a week of medication the pain and the associated worries won't go. The family pediatrician referred the case to a neurosurgeon. Papa says mum cried after we were back from the clinic. My father was helpless and so was I. The appointment with the surgeon was fixed and numerous medical tests were done including the CT-scan. When the reports came in, the doctor called my parents inside his cabin who were anxiously waiting for the doctor's verdict. Hearts sank hearing that. Pa and ma were really confused as to what they should interpret of the doctor's words who are known for inducing euphemistic spins to the blunt facts. Will he be able to cope with his studies?? When i was about three years old my father went ahead and got me admitted to a kindergarten, Eyebrows were raised and calls from relatives poured in but my parents stood by their decision. And when I was in my UKG a renowned group of schools opened their branch in the city. At my father's behest I appeared for the entrance test for a direct admission into 2nd standard while I was still in UKG. Somehow I cleared the test and I skipped a whole year. The cynical relatives were silenced. Once there, I performed reasonably well at the school exams and hence forth it was smooth sailing. And this day when I think of it, if my parents would have acted as the doc said, I wouldn't have been able to even read what I have written so far. Words would do gross injustice to explain my feelings for you. So I rest my case here. S: Sorry readers for such a grey post like this but I felt it was necessary to vent my feelings. Thanks for listening to me. My all time fav. In the age of web 2. Me : haa yaar kya din the wo…Bhopal ki sardiyo me apan chhat par saath me patang udaaya karte the. Tu meri patang phaad diya karta tha aur main teri shirt.... Ravi : Oye dude mai to kabhi Bhopal gaya hi nahee!!! To visit a profile you need to have a profile and here's a quick guide to create your very own.. About me : Now for this field follow the steps :- 1. Drop the chits in a box. Shake the box well. I am just curious!! Is that what you uttered when you completed or half completed reading the previous post? Never mind it was like expecting my octogenarian granny to count the pixels on my computer screen or may be forcing you to eat idlis with mixed fruit-jam. Lemme just introduce to you these giggly graduates featuring in the pic above. So the point is why in the heavens I posted this pic. Yeahh it is the graduation day when you move around clicking zillions of say-cheesy pics with your head popping out of a black tent. Most of you office goers reading this would have started playing the slideshow of that good 'ol day on your mental projector. I so look forward to it. A brief visit to the college library is certainly on the cards, I could shove numerous high priced books under the black robe. And gods save those cute li'l optical mice in the computer lab. More details in the coming posts. Btw can anyone tell me how to install a miniature AC outside the 'black tent' to keep the organs inside it working in perfect harmony. Coz the venue is Chennai. And plz don't guffaw telling me to smear my head with Navratna tel public-ka-AC. Here is your chance to return the favour. Share your 'Graduation day' experiences veterans. So as the title suggests there will be some bhojpuri dialogues here. Do thank Laalu yadav, bollywood and big-boss if you can understand the conversation below. And if its all martian to you still read on.. The BPS bhojpuri spideman is all nostalgic to return to his roots. He draws close to an elderly bunch of people whiling away under the shade of a banyan tree. They are all religiously rubbing 'choona' and 'tamaakhoo' tobacco against their palms with their adept thumbs, for a fat joint of khaini. An hour passes by and chachha is still sewing his kid's knickers. Chacha sees the other kid sniggering. And then after dragging poor spidey through the fields for about 2 kms the buffalo did stop and mooed. Our spidey is all bruised up and his costume is in tatters after the ordeal was over. And as a result sandman and goblin formed a coalition government. S : dint find it as funny?? Q : Which is the country for all ghosts?? A : Bhoot-an bhutan Q Which country has said no to Paypal, the e-commerce site?? A: Nay-pal nepal Wait!! Don't yet take your mouse pointer to the north-east of the screen and hit the cross button. This post hasn't resulted after an exercise of ctrl, c and v keys as the work above is oreejinal and its blogspot not ibibo. And Once when I was in my 5th standard, during a Social science test I was trying to 'ctrl-c' from my smart-ass neighbor Subramanian he needed a specially ordered name sticker for his notebooks. And the rest is 'history'. When i grew up and after various OMR sheets ke bubbles ka mooh kaala karke, I reached my college proving my kindergarten teacher's prediction alright. I could play those 'keys from heaven' faster than Adnan sami. Lab-assignments, mini-projects, movies on the LAN, Eminem lyrics, standard b'day wishing scraps and what not, kuchh nahee bachaa. When the placement season commenced in our college i had to prepare a CV to advertise myself. The term said it all- 'C' and 'V' ; bah!! Thats what i have been doing during the natural course of my engineering life. S :Aur upar ke 2 PJs padh ke gaali mat dena maine hi likhe hai. S : The hit-counter crossed the 15,000 mark. Last month accounted for about 5000 visits. We all were excited as the movie was color and it had Jackie shroff in the lead role sporting a red netted-baniyan and a yellow bandana, beating the shit out of the 'hum-basti-khaali-karaane-aaye-hai' type bad guys. Any random punches packed at Jackie dada were absorbed by his three inch thick chest-hair cushion. And there was a dog as well in the movie. The dog takes the child to the shade and grabbing a burnol tube by his teeth he applies the lotion on to the sun-burns of the baby. People around me have lumps in their throat and are nanoseconds away from breaking down. I could barely hear the rest of the movie-dialogues , being locked inside the bathroom. Yeahh I trusted the DD weather forecasts more than these canines. And one day a pot-bellied uncle came to our house who sipped the tea by pouring it from the cup in to the dish. Then he said in between grabbing snacks. Ab to aap ek kutta le hi lo!! So we never had a pet in our house. Can mosquitoes be pets, if they can be, then we had lots of 'em.. Aur yaar macchar aur kutte dono kaat te hai.. For me a Sophisticated French poodle is just a 'kutta' and the same is true for the hopeful candidates for playback singing in Aap ka suroor-part 2 - the gali ka kuttas. I have some bitter memories of my encounters with a kind of species which likes to be introduced by this piece.. As I was paddling through, three rogue canines blocked my way. Me being a kachhi kali, nearly shat in my pants. I halted so as to not offend the growling 'sons of a bitch'. But they had other ideas as they fixed their eyes on my gori chikni taang. I tried to shoo them away but As they say a 'son of a bitch' is always a 'son of a bitch'. After playing inki-pinki-ponki among them the winner dug its teeth in to my calf. I let out a daraawani 'cheekh', which scared the living daylights of the doggies and they vanished after punch-coding me. Believe me the injections were more painful that the dog-bite. So i wish my bigotry towards the doggy-kind is well communicated to you people. So here i present the excerpts of the chat. Oye bilogger dost tu ghabra mat iss post ki kamaai ka aadha hisa teri vasiyat me cut-paste kar dunga!! He went for the movie Tara-rum-pum the earlier night and so i asked him.. This is the actual transcript of the chat me: Oye tararumpuram!! Frnd: abbe yaar kal show ke baad auto hee nahi mila , 4 kilometer paidal chala andhere mein , izzat-abroo luti nahi magar me: O teri.. Aur haan have a look at i created. Life's boring , As boring as the news for the hearing-impaired on Sunday afternoons on DD1. Atal bihari vajpayee was a news reader there I suppose. Remembering those Sundays with DD1 when I was a cute little kid, makes me 250gm nostalgic. We kids used to assemble in front of the Bilack and white TV at sharp 8 o clock in the morning. Just after a quick bath, Eyes were fixed on the TV set as dear mommy with her relentless towel made sure her sonny boy looked export quality clean I used to hate that sand-papering. The magical world of mowgli, bageera, bhaalu and akdu-pakdu. Bhaalu : Haa mujhe bhi cheel ne bataya sherkhaan aajkal nadee ke aas-paas ghoom raha hai!! Mowgli: who's staring at the lake Uhhh... There was a look of horror on the faces of my cousins. The 'F' word was yet to replace the K word for expressing deep disgust or unparallel pleasure. And then my dear mommy came armed with her spatula to sizzle my baby bum. Mummy ne kitne garam kiye tere pichhwaade pe?? I promise u a detailed analysis before Rabri devi and Paris Hilton hit the nightclubs together and Adnan sami starts practicing ballet dancing. Reid n Taylor can sign chunkey pandey as their brand ambassador, Tushar kapoor can stand for elections, Sehwag can score triple centuries, Orkut biokutta can write me a testimonial, but butt butt moi can never utter that 'K' word when mum's around. The bathroom singers jinki awaaz sunke paani chala jata hai and the pissed soapdish takes a suicidal dip down the commode unable to bear the torture, Muhammad rafee ke dandruff, kishore kumar ka paseena, GBF reporter everybody was there. The hosts Hussain iska first name kya hai bhaai, baap bhi hussain beta bhi hussain and Mini mathur were shouting at the peak of their voices. Tear-happy pretty girls are waiting to torment the judges with their voices and their bitchy mums. And you would find some TT underwear-baniyan ke brand ambassadors with their bulging biceps wearing sun-glasses in the shade. They have a ladkiya-mere-peeche-paagal-kyu-hai look on their faces. They won't even smile for the camera, attitude hai bhaai. Our very own under-paid GBF reporter is masquerading as a contestant. He's waiting with the other contestants and is desperately trying to nab a walkman or two or even an earplug from a careless and hell of a lot nervous neighbor. And the big moment arrives GBF is called in and is told to sit just outside the audition room. And then suddenly a visibly furious contestant referring to all the female members of Anu-malik's extended family comes out of the audition room. Aur ab GBF ka number aaya. He is facing the judges.. Anu malik : Haa suna bey!! GBF : Jee main aapko bata du ki maine Goa ke Vasco gharaane ke guru maai ka laal jaikishan se saat saal ki sangeet ki shiksha li hai.. GBF : haa to sir ji, ye gaana dev kohli saab ka likha hua hai.. Gbf : he giggles Sir towel bhi pakad li hai.. Gbf : Sir english nahee aati.. Alisha : At least he sung well!! Anu malik : Mai chahta hu ye ladka mumbai aaye.... Phir to maar peet ho gayee. GBf made merry and came back. Aaj ke episode me waapas bheja hai usko. Saale Brazilian ladkiyo ke regular profile visitor, tuuu aisa keh raha hai. Abey tere ko to tere bhaai behno ne bhi block kar rakha hai orkut par... Saale gay communities ke moderator!! The tulli reader passes out.. The number 51 as they say is an auspicious number. It is the amount of money you shove inside a pink shaadi waala lifaafa envelope and head to attend a distant friend ki usse bhi jyaada distant cousin's wedding party to which you have been accidentally invited to. You mop up the fast food stalls and when you move around with your laden plate with a '51-rupaye-to-vasoolne-de' look , people mistake you for a waiter with a tray due to sheer amount of stuff u have on your platter. And hey Indian I-dhol has arrived. And u must know there are 4 judges this time. Anu , Alisha, Udit and Javed I am referring to there names as if they are my grandchildren like chunnu-banty… kill me!! Trivia : Do you remember the name of the guy who won it the last time?? If you know the answer then you can be either of these people: 1 a blood relative of Sandeep acharya. Reshammiya ki topi me ghus gaya kya tu... The 1st episode is yet to be aired, as I publish this rubbish. But our very own under-cover GBF reporter has all the scoops. Lets see what he has got for us : There is a huge crowd waiting outside the audition building, The passers-by mistake the herd for the first-day-first-show crowd for the movie Good boy-bad boy. Aise bhole bhaale logo ka ilaaz alibaug me hona chahiye. Till then I am gonna rehearse for an upcoming Bhutaani idol. I hope no Australian immigrant is in the fray. WC yaad hai naa maamu : Senti hone ka time aaya!! This is the 50th post on this blog yipppee!!. About 8 months back i thought of making an online repository of my short stories. I started wid rediffblogs.. I thought of moving to blogspot. The name suited the nature of my stories, but when i started writing humor it looked like tushar kapur slipping into a Black-cat commnado uniform. Then the name Garam-bheja-fry struck me aur phir to nikal padee. From now on the navigation on this blog will be a bit smooth, as i have categorised my posts into different labels you can see the list in the sidebar. As it is the 50th post, so here i present my five favorite posts from this blog. Main jab tak aaloo ubaalata hu agli plate ke liye.
