Most theories of relationships focus on how intimate partners feel about each other, but according to John Gottman’s behavioural approach, you need to focus on outward signs to test the health of yours. This approach follows from the assumption that observable actions provide, in many cases, harder evidence about what’s going on inside a person than the inferences we make from what he or she says.
1. Wants to spend time with you. Wanting to invest time in your relationship is a key indicator of successful long-term intimacy. Although both of you may be tied up with work, family, and other commitments, someone who truly cares about you will use whatever time is left over to have some time together alone.
2. They take without giving
Some people think that the world revolves around them and that everyone owes them, but they do not owe anyone anything. It is clearly an alarming sign if your boyfriend/girlfriend seems to be like this. If your partner is a kind of person who lays high expectations on you, showing you that you need to care about them, listen to them and do a lot of good things for them, but they refuse to do the same for you, then this is not real love.
3. They often talk about missing their ex-partner
When your boyfriend/girlfriend is head over heels in love, their mind will never trace back to their exes, and in comparison to them, you will always be winning. So this is a very alarming sign if your boyfriend/girlfriend discusses about missing their ex-partner with you.
You are supposed to be the person who they love and respect, and their love for you should be stronger than any kind of love they felt before towards anyone. If boyfriend/girlfriend should start missing their ex-partner and implying that they were better than you in so many aspects, this is a sign that their love for you must be fading, or that they never really loved you at all.
4. Consider how you both deal with conflict in your relationship. Most couples with poor conflict resolution skills engage in Fight, Flight, or Freeze behaviors. So, they fight and stay mad, sometimes holding grudges or resentment for months or years. They take flight and avoid uncomfortable or difficult issues by sweeping them under the rug. Or, they freeze up emotionally and shut down, blocking out any attempts at communicating or discussing the issue.
Successful couples who are committed to the relationship for the long term will try to work on solving any problem and letting them go. They will focus on taking care of the issue, rather than attacking each other or freezing each other out.
5. They Will Always Make A Great Effort.
A boyfriend/girlfriend who truly loves you will not be contented with making mediocre efforts because they always want the best for you. Even if it’s too much for them, they will do it because they are happy to do it
