Meeting them in real life can be hard -- but here's something most 50-somethings don't know: With a little bit of effort, you can have incredible success with online dating! Just don't make the same mistakes 80% of men your age are making, which is this: Lots of men in their 50s get divorced and think their next girlfriend is going to be 35. Your next girlfriend isn't going to be 35. If you want it to work out with one of these women, you've got to do more than just ask them out. You've got to avoid making the four big, dumb mistakes all the other dudes are making. Being bad at dating. Wear, like, a button-down. Don't wear gross old jeans with holes in them. Remember: she will almost certainly have spent some time on her hair, clothes and makeup. Show her the same respect. Talking about your ex during the first date. Maybe not the second one, either. Maybe not for a long time after you start dating. That will leave a sour taste in her mouth and make her think you're not ready to date yet. Focus on having a good time, asking great questions, and listening while she answers them. Not paying for the date. Because, first of all, they won't be. Second, on the off chance that they are offended by a kind and generous gesture, it's best to avoid them. Do you really want to be with someone who gets offended that easily? That said, it's 2016, so anything could happen. She might insist she pay her own way, or even offer to pay for you. Whatever you're mutually comfortable with is fine. As I wrote in , increasing your charisma and authenticity will improve your personal and professional life. The thing is -- it can be super tricky to be authentic and charming when you've got first-date nerves. Here are a few tips to get you started. Chances are, the next thing you say is going to be a bit of a non-sequitur. I'll say it again: stop worrying about what you're going to say next. Staying present and truly listening will get you much further than some witty comment. As I wrote in , it only takes humans 17 milliseconds to notice and interpret an emotion on your face. But most of us misattribute what we see. We assume everything is about us. So just tell me! Basically, your brain is terrible at distinguishing fantasy from reality. That will help you get over your nerves, and even treat this person with a surprising amount of warmth. That will make them like you more, which will make them like you more. It's a beautiful cycle. Don't be a man-child. If you have a nice time on the date, tell her! After an amazing date, message her once. This is really hard for someone who is both lonely and excited about someone new. Although plenty of women have exciting, fulfilling sex lives in their 40s and 50s... But lots of people find this kind of touch extremely intimate -- after all, the primary goal is to show emotion and affection, not to have an orgasm. Which is why so many women find it uncomfortable when some dude they don't even know starts holding their hand, touching their face, or trying to kiss them. Of course, every woman is different. There is no algorithm you can memorize to tell you when to kiss her. There is no universal calendar of when to do different kinds of touch. Instead of relying on some bullshit you read on the internet, you need to pay attention and get your own read on the situation. But there are some pretty clear signs that she doesn't want to kiss. Remember: an unwanted kiss is disgusting. If you have to be quick, sneaky or forceful to get the kiss, you're doing it wrong, and the girl will definitely not be into it. Unless maybe she wants to but she's just not quite ready yet. Then she'll say no -- this time. She'll feel super safe and respected with you, which will help solidify your bond. Plenty but, admittedly, not all of girls are willing to make the first move! And it's super sexy when they do. If she's had a lot to drink, you should ask yourself whether she's really able to give consent right now. Especially if you're hoping to have a long-term thing with her. Kissing her when she's drunk is going to mess up your chances of ever having trust. Instead, they come after a moment. Perhaps you've been staring into each other's eyes -- then lips. Then eyes, then lips. Maybe she's touched the side of your hand with the side of her hand, and now you're holding hands. Parts of your bodies may be touching -- your arms, your legs. Maybe you've even pushed her hair off her face or brushed her cheek with your hand. Your bodies are gravitating towards each other... But even then, there's room for misinterpretation. AFTER you've had a moment, and you're feeling pretty certain this girl wants to kiss you, you can initiate the kiss. Go up to 90% of the way to her face... If consent is important to you which, if you're not a despicable person, it is , you will never go 100% of the way to her face. Let her go the last 10%. If she wants to kiss you, she will! One last thought: Before you get tied down, it might be worth chec
