Online dating is now a permanent part of our culture and generation. Beginning with the earlier online dating websites in the 1990s, it has picked up and transformed the entire landscape of dating. Beginning with Tinder, free dating apps changed everything. The effects of these free dating apps on our generation, relationships and dating habits are still to be determined with little research providing concrete conclusions on what impact it has on all of us. A quick google showed nothing on the effects of online dating on individuals, instead focusing on representations, perceptions and strategies of end users. Meeting this man a few weeks ago forced me to look at this cultural phenomenon objectively. I began taking notes, interviewing friends and dates. I compiled a list of suggestions or conclusions at the very least of what online dating meant and consisted of. I was his first date. First and foremost, online dating is lawless territory. There are no rules here. A friend of mine commented that meeting someone online instantly adds certain pressures and expectations that are not associated normally with organically meeting someone. When I met my ex-fiance outside of surgery at an inner city Philly hospital we both worked at, I thought of him as charming and sweet. I wondered about him from time to time, but at no point, did I expect him to be my husband or boyfriend. It happened naturally and organically, without any forced interactions or awkwardness. Interestingly enough, a psychology research article also found that there was a difference in dating between individuals who met online and offline. Online dating, in contrast, with its abundance in matches and convenience in scheduling dates, operates from an innate, fundamental principal that people are disposable, that relationships are temporary and the next date could be an even better date. Honestly, t-shirts last longer than relationships in NYC. The same research article presented a metaphor on online dating and picking dessert with the underlying concept that people are likely to be less satisfied when choosing from a larger choice set. In this study, individuals who were chose chocolate from a selection of six choices thought the chocolate tasted better than people who chose chocolate from a selection of an array of thirty. Perhaps, that is the problem. Furthermore, adverse behaviors stemming from so many options are somethings called: freezing or ghosting. I have had full conversations with men who tell me outright how special I am, how they want to bring me home to their parents and settle down, never to be seen again. There are so many perhaps too many? These repeated intimate interactions of connecting and disconnecting with strangers leads to dating fatigue and mistrust, ultimately resulting in a hardened individual. Consequently, it is easy to gauge how long someone has been in the dating game. Like puppies, the fresh rookies are always so green, open and happy. Some will come out of it, exhausted and some of them will continue as serial daters for years. A select few roughly five percent of online daters according to one study will meet and marry someone they met online. This begs the question, what effects does online dating have on our generation? Are we becoming less trusting, less invested and less interested in creating and fostering relationships as a generation, considering this type of dating as a standardized norm? What impact does it have on our other relationships, on divorce rates, on parenting and quality of life? Are we becoming a generation of swipes and ghosts? Casual hookups, quick dates, walk of shames and swipes are the generational norm.
