Every once in a while, I like to poll my readers on the and to find out what issues they feel are holding them back when it comes to dating. According to the , 69% of adults 20 years old and over are overweight and 35% are considered obese. And yet even when the number of people who are considered overweight form the majority of the population, obesity is in many ways one of the remaining acceptable prejudices. Last week, the fatshamingweek hastag was trending on Twitter as numerous assholes and shitbags took to the network and decided to mock fat people — mostly women, but men too — from behind the dubious anonymity of their Twitter accounts. We loose so many of them this way. Except… they totally do. There are plenty of notable examples out there if you look around. Kevin Smith, for all of his fashion sins that I will get into in a second, is happily married with a lovely wife and daughter. Patton Oswalt, same story. Well… not so much. Some people can lose weight without barely trying while others can exercise and diet until their eyes bleed and barely see the scale shift. The most obvious issue is the simple fact that not all calories are the same; otherwise people could lose weight while eating a restricted calorie diet that consisted primarily of sugar and Doritos. NOW GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY. Do teeth really look as good as skinny feels? The societal disdain for heavyset people is so ingrained that even people who are fat feel ashamed about who they are and that they have to apologize for some personal flaw that leaves them with the mark of Canes when the truth about obesity is as much about external factors as it is about food consumption. Over the years, we have been discovering that there are innumerable other factors that affect body fat accumulation and weight gain. Other scientists have discovered a strong link between the chemical Bisphenol A and weight gain; BPA is found in many consumer products, including bottled water and food packaging, making it an invisible but nearly unavoidable part of our lives. Still more factors include the ubiquity of high-fructose corn syrup in our food, the negative side-effects from processed soy products and even just plain old genetics and evolution. Working With Your Body The next key is simply to accept that your body is your body and your shape is your shape and there is only so much that you can do to change that. Your overall shape is going to be controlled by your bone structure and genetics as much as is by your diet and exercise. Some people simply have long, skinny frames and will always be lean and lanky no matter how much they try to bulk up. Others are shorter and squatter and will always appear heavier. Dressing Sharp For Larger Men Once you accept your shape, then you can work within it. Too many people who are concerned about their weight try to dress to conceal it, usually wearing clothes that are too big and loose. I realize that baggy clothes seem more comfortable. You want simple clothes that define your shape rather than just hang. Bold prints are a bad idea as they tend to draw attention to your size. Contrasting colors — a dark shirt over light pants, for example — provide a visual break and draw attention to the lines of your body, making you look even larger. You want fitted shirts rather than simple box-cuts; these will fit your build better instead of looking baggy and shapeless. Whenever possible, you also want a spread collar; a narrow collar will just emphasize the width of your face. Similarly, you want straight-leg jeans instead of relaxed fit and everybody wants flat-front slacks. Whenever possible, you want thinner materials; cashmere sweaters in the cold are much better suited for the larger gent rather than a chunky cardigan. Jackets — especially dark wash denim or sport coats can help provide shape and definition. Opt for three-button blazers; they lengthen your silhouette nicely and avoid pulling at your clothes. Larger accessories also help by keeping everything in proportion; the trend to oversized watches works in your favor here. The average American diet is fucking horrible. Plus: eating like shit? Beyond the common junk-food boogieman of acne, a shitty diet makes your skin look sallow while your hair gets lank and brittle. Changing up your diet is one of the easiest and best ways to improve not just your health but your skin-tone, hair, energy level and mental outlook. Whether or not you lose weight is secondary compared to the other benefits. Ideally, you want to eat as clean as possible; that is, you want to avoid high-fructose corn syrup which is, admittedly, difficult as hell and all processed food and beverages, including diet sodas — my own personal vice. You also want to avoid simple and refined carbohydrates as much as possible — this includes white flour and sugar while ensuring that your diet is heavy on green leafy vegetables, lean proteins and complex carbohydrates. It can be difficult — most processed foods are specifically designed to be addictive and salt, fat and sugar have similar effects on the brain to cocaine and heroin — but the overall results are worth it. You also want to exercise more. Just as with a healthier diet, increased exercise has benefits above and beyond simple weight-loss; exercise helps release endorphins into your blood, improving your mood as well as your creative output. If this is you, then you definitely need to hit the gym. Being active and exercising will build up your endurance and cut down on jokes about having a heart attack from the strain of picking up your mail. You also want to be doing more weight lifting. Most people who start an exercise program tend to focus on cardiovascular exercise without including a weight training regimen, which is a mistake. Weight training acts as a booster to the benefits you gain from cardio, adding intensity to your workouts and improving the overall results. Weight-training exercises do wonders for your physical health, improving joint function, circulation and muscle tone. If you lose weight, then great. Both of these approaches are mistakes; they betray a sense of insecurity. The key is simply to not bring it up at all. The last thing you want to do is send off signals about how you hate yourself. Big guys will tend to try to minimize themselves and hide their stomachs by slouching or curling in to not take up as much space. There will be by making jokes about you being huge. There will be people who are going to mock you for the temerity for thinking that you can be attractive. There are assholes out there who live for causing other people misery. There will be days when it seems like everyone is determined to shit all over you, personally. Why should you care about what some fuckhead thinks? The thing is: this happens to everyone, fat or skinny, tall or short. The answer to haters is perseverance. The answer to rejection is to try more, to date more. There are people out there who are looking for a guy like you.
