There is no doubt that being single is not the preferred lifestyle for most of us. Well, that is absolute and complete rubbish. And you know it too. But if you believe in this misconception, and let it have a power over you, it can create a lot of anxiety, frustration and insecurity. This can happen in two ways. Talk about feeling awkward and not knowing where to look. Happened to me once. I had a serious conversation with the friend afterwards to tell her to NEVER do that again. Well, think about it this way. In many cases, people who know you well poke around your life because they actually care for you, not because they would like you to stay alone forever. As for the people who hardly know you — they should be even easier to disregard. Or — if you prefer — simply lie about your status. You are a person of many qualities and a few faults, just like everybody else. Many people who were married when I was single during the better part of my 30s have already gone through bitter divorces. And you just — naturally, but without any logic applied to it — assume they are blissfully happy. Another huge misconception about single vs couple life. Just look at divorce statistics. People in couples are only human, just like you. What actually happens is you just swap one package of problems with another. People in relationships are not in the same boat with you — but their boat can be sailing in equally stormy weather. So try not to envy them. What you see is always just a tip of an iceberg. So why in the world should you feel bad about being single? Only one legitimate reason: you genuinely miss sharing love and intimacy with another. Single life can be as fulfilled, fun and amazing as any — and it has its obvious advantages. I bet if you think hard enough you can come up with at least 5, right now, just off the top of your head. LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS Did you recognise yourself in situations like the above? How do you deal with them? This is pretty much the same as my case. So that just put a whole lot of pressure on my shoulders…. But long term it truly pays off to be you and follow your own path, no matter how different it is from the usual one. And probably envious because they would love to be like you but they are too weak. Wish you all my best, and all the strength and courage you need! Having a partner does cramp your style some times and can effectively disable you for all sorts of reasons. Just now and then loneliness pokes its head up and I get exasperated by the apoarent lack of suitable partners. But i keep bouncing back and remember that im willing to bet a lot of coupled people envy me. You cant delegate your happiness to someone else. You goyta find it in yourself. When are you going to get married? You must keep in mind your not getting any younger. I attended a friends birthday pary and afterwards a former work colleague literally yelled at me to get married and have children as i dont want to be alone when I am older. I have decided ti stay away from certain people now it depressing yeah they may care but they ALL lack common sense they are not telling or asking me anything I have not thought about myself. You are right to ignore and avoid people who make judgments and try to tell you how to live your life. Starting a family to avoid being alone in your old age is a very old, very worn out and very untrue reasoning. I am single and m happy with it. I feel irritated when someone wants to why I am still single and not getting married. They keep asking the same again and again in one way or the other. Moreover, they can feel that I am not comfortable in discussing this matter. To make things even worse, sometimes these people claim to be my well-wishers. Also I found it even more irritating when someone asks or I should say interrogate my parents about the issue. I wonder why they are so interested in something that my father is not interested in? Are they bigger well wisher than my father? I sometime feel to laugh at the face of my well wisher. This is my own experience and I think it is the right platform to share my issues as I already have like-minded people writing about the same or simila issue. But just ignore them, and try not to get upset — everyone has their own opinions about what is best in life, and mostly those people who want you to get married, have children, do this and that — are the ones least happy with their own lives. I totally agree with you that I should ignore these OPINION LEADERS. I shall not deny that these people sometimes make my upset, but as you suggested rightly, these people are not worth our attention. I shall follow your suggestion as I think you have understood exactly what I am trying to say. I get your wife in your college yrs. But they stay because divorce is frown upon, and cost to much to get or they stay because of the kids. I feel like take your time, really rushing or trying to meet society standards is silly. Why rush to have to be on lockdown by someone keeping tabs on you, cook, clean and have sex on a schedule. Why rush into a seconds job. Take your time enjoy your first job and be single. And being single is not lonely, you can still date many people, and do what you want. The grass is always greener on the other side! People in relationships envy singles, singles envy couples. Thanks for chipping in. Im a 28 yr old single male and its tough. Im not going to lie it sucks sometimes. But, there were some valuable insights about how these couples are not that happy. They have no kids and seem to be happy in their marriage. My sister expresses such condescension to me. My life choices and tells me I must be kidding myself if I think I ll ever get married at this point in life. These encounters with my sister are so toxic I am sad to say that I have begun to believe that it is not worth the effort of trying to get together with her any more. She has a very superior attitude. Each person is different. When people tell me they do not believe in God, I often wonder what they do believe in. I know this blog is not a symposium on faith, but I believe that basic good faith and enough imagination to envision and embrace the differences in others is humane. I stay away from people who seem to have no faith in anything but what they can see, touch or spend. They usually lack compassion and imagination and I find them toxic individuals. How do they know? When my mother, with 6 young children, got divorced I cleaned house, washed clothes and cooked meals for all my siblings. She has a very short memory. She should exercise caution in what she says, but she does not. Anyway I really appreciate your kind words of support. She has said some really mean things to me and they are very hurtful. I agree that everyone should exercise caution in what they say. It is generally a good rule. I loved my husband dearly and made so many career sacrifices for him in one year of marriage that I was in with him. He abused me, mentally tortured me and harassed me for dowry. My heart loved him but my brain knew it was all wrong. But I stood against dowry and hence he divorced me by creating so ichthyologist troubles on my life that I went under depression while studying for my post graduation. They say they kept their marriages on for more than 25 years and no matter what the rough patches, or how arrogantly they may treat their wives, no divorce ever happens. My paternal uncle and aunt say I should have lived with my in laws no matter how they treated me and that how superior their own marriage Is and they are still in love with each other inspite of 25 Yrs together. I understand your situation as I know how it feels when your own family Whome you love so much tells you how much a failure you are because you are single and how great they are coz they are a couple. It sucks sometimes… When you are hurt and your own family members rub salt in your wounds. I am not Indian, but I do know about the dowry and so on in that culture. It is brave of you to get out of an abusive marriage. I hope you did not have children in the marriage to complicate things further, and if you did, well God bless you and them. What a fight it must be. I am glad that your parents supported you getting away from an abusive man. How he could treat someone who is so good him so badly is incomprehensible. He should be the one who is ashamed and ridiculed. I see you know how it feels when everyone around thinks you are a personal failure. You are an educated pediatric dentist. You can go anywhere in the world to practice and be treated with dignity and respect. My late Aunt was never married, no kids. She had a heart of gold. She was a very accomplished business woman and the kindest person I knew. She was my champion. She always told me when people criticized me they were jealous. I could never understand why they would feel that way as they seemed to have so much. She was an independent thinker like me. Perhaps the others do not think independently and just live lives of complacency. And perhaps they ARE happy, but you were not. I do know if you believe in God, but I do. Our parents brought us to this Earth but our lives are our own. I hope they come to see that you are a gem. I do not know where you live, but if you were to travel, you would see that others think differently than those in your family. I wish you luck and love. You sound like a very caring and understanding person. Even though I live in a free place it does hurt me very much that my family does not support me. I take courage from hearing your story. Thank you Dr Garima All the best to you. Chose a better man next time who does not require a dowry if you marry again. I see you are an independent thinker. Be proud that you saved yourself from a life of misery and hold your head up. Much of what he says is excellent. Just an example For society as a whole — well — what gets inculcated is a sense of entitlement. That causes problems in a lot of areas. Speaking from experience -too true! Reason — theres a lot of money to be made in it — but- at least its constructive and helping people to live a wholehearted life and not waste time which I so occasionally moping about the fact I am on my own. Lets rock the life unusual, subversive and enjoyable.. The rest is just preference and opinion. If a person has a very strong desire to find a partner, they will probably find one. Each person is individual. Some people have very strong connections with their friends and other relations. Each person can decide for themselves what makes them happy. Everyone may dance to their own drummer as it makes them happy. Just makes you feel a failure — if that is your inclination and you let it affect you that way. But as you could say — that is their right. Petra has pointed out elsewhere that many people do not know how to make themselves happy. That is also true. Need rather than want in order to be fulfilled. I said no-one wants to commit to me, he said I must be saying something to them to make them not want to commit to me. This really upset and offended me. I have had four boyfriends in my life if he had bothered to ask me about my life. I have only wanted to marry two people. My first boyfriend dumped me claiming because of the long distance. I would have married him. I also would of married my friend, he was only interested in fwb. A lot left me for other women anyway. I would like to find true love, I would like to get married. Not sure about kids. At this stage in life, all I want to be is happy. That is my main goal, happy and at peace. Its almost as if they see you as a threat because they cant handle being alone. I have never asked to be set up and half the time I am offended because I or they would not go for the person, or I feel I am being made fun of. I feel for you, and just to let you know — you are right. And try to redefine your connections so you spend more time with people who are of a like mind, and understand you. As for your father, it is very nice that you have reunited with him, but it is unclear to me how he is qualified to judge how your life has gone thus far as he has only just met you. It sounds like you know what you are doing with yourself. Do not let his uninformed judgements confuse you. Be an independent thinker. Where has he been? You know yourself better than he does. I am sure you are happy to meet him, but you are a young lady already with a lot of experience and he has not been there at all to this point. Respect yourself for how far you have come and the good decisions you have made for yourself. You seem like a fine young lady.
