Intimidating, daunting, unnerving, just a few words to describe online dating after 50. When I found myself separated at 50, it was a huge adjusting to single life again. The lessons learned over the next few months of online dating after 50 were eye-opening not just for me, but for quite a few of my other single friends. There were quite a few friends who had to move forward on the wrong side of 40. And then there were those who were just curious about how I was dealing with dating in the age of Tinder and and. For the record, I moved to Melbourne from Singapore via Perth when I turned 30. The only people I knew were colleagues and an old boyfriend. After a while, I felt like I was in a soap opera because I was dating from the pool that were friends of friends. That means that doing was a less radical step for me than for most people. It meant I knew what to do to get past the first online conversations. I had also traveled extensively for work, so I also knew how to organize meetups in safe locations and what to do to give myself the greatest opportunity face-to-face. I was encouraged by a friend to go online because she had done it herself. I enthusiastically signed up on a couple of , and what happened after is the basis for this little guide. What should you do if you want to try online dating? Firstly, you should figure out what you want before you start looking. This is not the easiest question to answer, I grant you. But it would help if you could figure out if you just want to date casually or whether you looking to find your life partner. My ego was dented because I had just turned 50, and my husband had met a younger woman 15 years younger than me online. So I wanted a boost. Secondly, find an online dating site that suits your purpose. Thirdly, set up your online profile. Your begins with a good photo with just you, no one else. If you have a good selfie, use it. If not, ask a trusted friend to take one. The photo should be a half-body shot, not just your face. If the site allows for several photos, have one full body shot, and one of you in your favorite be truthful environment. If you love the beach, have a photo taken there. Be clear in your description. If you want to go dancing, say that. If you like hiking, say so. I got a lot of responses from men in different states, or those in regional areas. If that works for you, then great. Fourthly, start looking at available men. Set up parameters that are exactly what you want. For example, you could say 40+, with a university degree, within a 20-mile radius. But be prepared to be flexible, because your guy may not come from within those parameters. Not all the ones that I shortlisted ended up being interested in me, so I adjusted the requirements. Fifthly, respond or send a simple message. The genuine ones will respond. The shy ones might be patient. I had many who I could tell had viewed my profile over and over again, but did not reply or reach out. I had many who sent an initial message that was offensive or made me uncomfortable. You can block and report them. There were those, however, which made me realize why they were looking for love online. I had to reject them. Others though were nice but not right. If within the first 3-5 messages it feels right, then give him your number. You can always block later. Lastly, organize a face-to-face meeting. Try to meet for drinks, not a meal. You can always move on to a meal if you hit it off. If it goes well, fantastic. If you want to have a more intimate encounter…. But be clear what this is. Get to know him. Let him get to know you. Decide if this is what you want. I met quite a few men early. The first was sweet but I was bored. I tried to gently let him down so I continued texting, which was probably unkind in the long run. Others were clearly not right as we turned out to be mutually unattracted. I talked to quite a few on the phone. One man was so attractive on the phone, but he never really tried to meet up. I dated someone who was smart and attractive and affectionate but we never really had a good conversation. He had a difficult family situation, and I began to wonder whether he was really separated. He eventually told me he had met someone who was someone he had been looking for all his life. In the meantime, I had met someone else. He is not at all what I was looking for. We have such chemistry and I have grown so much since being with him. We have no idea what the future will hold since our pasts are complex and have scarred us both. We are living in the moment. And that is what I wish for you. To find happiness with the moments that you have in your adventures.
