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by Autumn on 2005 Feb 28 - 20:30 | reply to this comment
Too much of a bad thing
Thanks to those that gave me so much advice. I didnt want to believe those that said I'd created a monster that couldn't handle the power. I tried the surrendered wife but all that happened was I got more depressed and he got more critical. If I said "I can't." he accused me of controlling with nagging and complaints. He said it was a power struggle and he wasnt going to change. If I wanted anything or wasnt OK with anything, he told me it was a "Laura Doyle situation". There was no give and take anymore. Everything was in his eyes a power struggle. When you love the guy and youre a smart and switched on successful independent woman, it's not easy to be honest with yourself that you're in an abusive relationship, especially when the abuse isn't physical.
A couple of the commenters thought I was saying my boyfriend hit me and when I read those comments I was sure they were wrong about my boyfriend being abusive. We never incorporated spanking or any physical "taking in hand". When your looking for abuse it's not always physical. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can break your heart. Bones can heal; the heart is where the hurt is.
Yes, I was in an abusive relationship. Reading the comments here helped me see that. Saying "I'm not happy" like Blush said made him angry again. He's not like Gary. Trying to express my desires respectfully didnt change his response. He's not like Max. It was like opening the lid on control released an ugly and dangerous monster with a need to hurt me. It's like he was a wounded boy with his fingers in his ears and his eyes tightly closed, his shields up and guns ablazin'.
The posters that said some guys can't handle the power were right. People need to know that this isnt for everybody and not every guy can be given power without getting corrupted by it. If my experience can help any other women to see theyre in an abusive relationship some good will have come out of this.
When youre in an emotionally-abusive relationship you think it's your fault. You dont see it as abusive because there's no hitting or kicking or shoving or bruises. The bruises and cuts are all inside.
