One Line Jokes
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+ Judge to prostitute: So when did you realize you were raped? Prostitute, wiping away tears: When the check bounced.
+ Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.
+ My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…
+ What’s the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with the light on!
+ A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
+“De Beers” and “the beers” are both very costly, and both can sometimes get similar results from your girlfriend.
+ How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
+ As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
+ What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
+ A day without sunshine is like, night.
+ Born free, taxed to death.
+ For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.
+ A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
+ What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
+ What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
+ Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
+ What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
+ Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
+ Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
+ Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
+ When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
+ I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
+ If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
+ Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
+ Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
+ What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
+ Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
+ Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
+ Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
+ If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
+ What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick!
