SHAME.
ON.
YOU.
WHY.
WHY DID YOU CLICK ON THIS.
WHAT DID YOU REALLY THINK WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
WHAT SORT OF EROTIC BLISS TRULY COULD HAVE AWAITED YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS LINK?
DID THE THOUGHT OF IT AROUSE YOU, FOR REAL?
I MEAN, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
IT'S TIME TO TAKE A GOOD, LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF.
SIT DOWN.
LET'S GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
SO YOU SAW THE HEADLINE.
AND WHAT DID YOU THINK?
WAS THERE ANY CELEBRITY IN PARTICULAR YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? OR WAS IT JUST SIDEBOOBS IN GENERAL?
AND - ARE SIDEBOOBS A THING FOR YOU? LIKE, IS THAT SOMETHING YOU ARE GENUINELY ATTRACTED TO?
OR IS IT MORE JUST BREASTS, AND YOU'LL SETTLE FOR WHATEVER SLIM PICKIN'S YOU CAN GET?
IS THE IDEA THAT YOU MENTALLY EXTRAPOLATE AND PROJECT THE REST OF THE BOOB FROM A MERE GLANCE AT THE SIDE OF ONE? AND THAT DOES THE TRICK?
WHATEVER THE ANSWER, SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE. AND IT NEEDS TO CHANGE NOW.
YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE.
LOOK, WE LIVE IN AN AMAZING TIME. THERE IS NO PRECEDENT IN HUMAN HISTORY FOR THE AMOUNT OF OPPORTUNITY READILY AVAILABLE TO YOU IN THIS VERY MOMENT.
YOU -- YES YOU -- CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
THE SAME POWER THAT BROUGHT YOU TO THIS PAGE CAN BRING YOU TO THE FOLLOWING WEBSITES:
-REDCROSS.ORG
-BIG BROTHERS BIG SISTERS
-AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL
-OPERATION SMILE
-HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH
- HELL, EVEN WIKIPEDIA.ORG
HAVE YOU EVER SPENT AN HOUR CLICKING ON RANDOM WIKIPEDIA ARTICLES? YOU CAN LEARN SO, SO MUCH.
I JUST DID IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LEARNED ABOUT AN APOSTOLIC LETTER WRITTEN BY POPE JOHN PAUL II IN 1988 ABOUT THE DIGNITY OF WOMEN (THE IRONY WAS NOT LOST ON ME) AND THE CONCEPT OF CHRISTIAN COMPLEMENTARIANISM, WHICH IS A PHILOSOPHY IN LINE WITH NEW FEMINISM.
FASCINATING STUFF.
LOOK, THE POINT IS - OUR LIVES ARE WHAT WE MAKE OF THEM.
AND BY ACTIVELY ELECTING TO LOOK AT PICTURES OF SIDEBOOBS -- MANY BELONGING TO TEENAGERS -- FROM THE RED CARPET OF MTV'S VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS, YOU JUST MADE A VERY POOR DECISION.
BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
GET UP. PUT ON YOUR SHOES.
GO FOR A RUN.
EVEN FOR FIVE MINUTES.
FEEL ALIVE IN YOUR BODY.
CALL AN ELDERLY RELATIVE AND ASK HOW THEIR DAY IS GOING.
VOLUNTEER AT A HOSPICE.
GO LOOK AT A TREE, CLOSELY, FOR THE FIRST TIME. BEAR WITNESS TO NATURE.
ANYTHING.
IF IT IS WOMEN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, FIRST LOOK FOR YOURSELF.
BECAUSE IF YOU CAN BUILD UP YOUR LIFE AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING YOU ARE PROUD OF, WOMEN WILL BE ATTRACTED TO THAT.
BUT FEEL THE SHAME. ALLOW IT TO WASH OVER YOU. SIT IN IT, PROCESS IT, AND THEN LET IT GO.
THERAPY CAN DO AMAZING THINGS. DEPENDING ON YOUR INSURANCE, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO RECEIVE TREATMENT FOR CHEAP, IF NOT FOR FREE.
SELF-HELP BOOKS GET A BAD RAP, BUT GOOD ONES CAN BE TRULY LIFE-CHANGING. A NEW EARTH BY ECKHART TOLLE IS A GREAT PLACE TO START. IT ADDRESSES THE POWER OF THE EGO OVER OUR HAPPINESS AND POTENTIAL, AND MAY BE VERY HELPFUL IN TACKLING YOUR ISSUES, SIDEBOOB-RELATED OR OTHERWISE.
LOOK. THE SHADOW INSIDE SELENA GOMEZ'S DRESS IS NOT GOING TO UNDO WHAT DID OR DIDN'T HAPPEN IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.
BUT THERE IS HOPE.
CHANGE STARTS WITH YOU.
AND IT WILL BE A HARD, LONG ROAD, BUT YOU CAN DO IT.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'VE ALREADY MADE IT THIS FAR.
SO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED FOR THE FUTURE.
BREATHE IN.
BREATHE OUT.
NOW GO.
LIVE.
