I posted "An Update" for CC in the forum under "You think your woman is too much of a control freak to want to be taken in hand", but it was more of a history lesson than an update.
I've realized, and I've verbalized to J, that I need to be more vocal about the many things I like about him, the many things he does that make me feel cared for.
I love the way he wants me to lay on his shoulder every night and fall asleep with him, the way we tangle up in each other all night while we sleep. He likes me to be up late with him at night, and when I do, he will get the children off to school and tell me to sleep in till I feel rested. He has never complained, in 13 years, what I have or haven't put on the table for dinner. There are many more little things he does for me.
An example of the way I've been trying to change. He works late one night a week and I was expecting him in at 9:20 or so. I had been watching the clock, eager for him to come home because I wanted to see him and I wanted to make love. He called at 9:50 to say how pleased he was to get as much work done as he had gotten done and where he was in the process of closing up. I was disappointed he wasn't already home, and more disappointed that he wasn't ON his way home. Normally, I would've gotten pissy or closed him out and then complained that he didn't take me in hand for my bad behavior.
Instead, I thanked him for working so hard for us. I think at first he thought I was being snide, but I told him again that I appreciated all his hard work, and that we were lucky to have a man to work so hard for us. I said it would probably be too late to make love when he got home, and that I was going to go to bed. He said he was going to finish up and come on home.
I decided to wait for him so I could tell him again in person and just chat a bit before we slept. He didn't come home till after 1:00 am. When he finally came into the bedroom, I didn't pretend to be asleep, and I didn't verbally attack him. I tried to explain to him how I felt. I told him he didn't do what he said he'd do (finish up and come home) and he didn't say since I was going to bed he might work later. He held me the whole time I talked, and I never once got nasty. I made no accusations. Once he understood how I saw it all, how disappointed and rejected I felt, he apologized and felt badly I think. We slept all tangled up and close, with none of the stubborn, angry space around us that would've been there in the past.