I thought that since I was an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy that I would have no problem finding a woman in her mid 30s to settle down with and start a family. I have tried a combination of online dating, speed dating, professional singles events, volunteering, happy hours etc. I thought that online dating would be great since you are essentially pre-screening people for dates. I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but two things are really bothering me. One, that younger women are no longer interested in dating men who are even just slightly 3-5 years older than them and sometimes want to date men 5-10 years younger then them. I find the latter hard to believe, but find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online. Any advice on how to navigate these new paradigms in the dating world? Adam Dear Adam, You came to the right place. From 25-34, men play around a lot. Once a guy crosses 35, however, he theoretically tends to get more serious. Alas, the women with whom he wants to get serious are 27-34. This gives men time to court, fall in love, travel together, move in, get engaged, and enjoy a few years of childless marriage before starting a family. The problem is that many women from 27-34 are independent professionals just like their male peers. Then she hits 35. Theoretically, this is when she starts to get more serious. This is also when all the problems start. Because 35-40-year-old men who are ready to settle down still want to have time before becoming dads. Thus, their target market remains women, 27-34 — who may not be ready to settle down quite yet. These women still have money to make, places to travel and oats to sow. The 35-40-year-old women who ARE ready for marriage, unfortunately, are roundly ignored by the men they desire — their 35-40-year-old peers. Which brings us to you, Adam. And around and around we go. Pick up a copy of and it should make a difference. But the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age. To a 34 year old woman, 42 sounds OLD. To a 42-year-old man who wants his own biological children, anything above 36 is getting into risky territory. I like the way you broke it down. Funny how that works out. And like you said, round and round we go…. I have it clearly stated in my profiles I want to have children. I am not taking that medical risk. I am 34 and it is clear as daylight that waiting this long was a mistake and makes things harder…nkt impossible but harder. Yet people constantly advise that you have all this time and to go galavanting all over the globe and this is fine UNLESS you know you want a family. I am having a child on my own and I will tell her be married by 30 if you intend on having a family. The reality is for the best outcome you dont have all day. Did it ever occur to you that maybe some of us got jerked around and lied to for years??? You got knocked up at 20. While I was traveling and seeing the world, and studying and developing and living, you were babysitting. I can still have kids, but you will never have the adventures I had. I knew well that time to have babies was limited. Since my kids will be grown by my late 40s I will have plenty of time to go on those adventures you speak of. The sad reality is that women were sold a false message that we could have it all. We were told it was OK to put off having children, that there would time for that later, after our careers were established. I was a virgin until the age of 34. Women are still hard for me to get, but I quit trying 20 years ago.. We had the most amazing time and connection until I brought
