In a world of far, far away, many exciting things happen. The light fights against the evil. Knights who will always save their own princesses and live happily ever after in their pretty castles. Heroes that will always help the weak. Such a peaceful utopia, ain't it? Unfortunately, this isn't a story about unambiguous, always goody two-shoes heroes. This ain't no darkness versus light story.
1.
2. This is a story about a drunken militaristic slav finding his own house.
3.
4. Ivan Gratskijev, a rather small man with a covered mouth, who was a former general of the Russian armed division called Red Void. Despite being involved in Russian military, he himself is not a Russian. While it is known that he comes from Slovenia, many sources are conflicted about his birthplace. Some say that he comes from Lower Styria, others say that he comes from Koper. No one is sure. The division Red Void disbanded rather recently due multiple reasons, which may not be mentioned. Ever since that event, Ivan moved to his own cottage in the middle of Siberia. He lived in total isolation from society for about 3 years and he spent those years by weekly hunting boars and making some Balkan dishes out of them. That is, until he found out about the new house.
5.
6. One day of the unknown year, there was a blizzard in Siberia, which is a common sight. Ivan was in his cottage, doing nothing but sitting on his rocking chair. He was reading some newspaper near the fire place.
7.
8. "Bloody hell...It's the same old shit all over again. All those bloody wars in that fucking peninsula...ugh forget it..." groaned Ivan as he read the news paper.
9.
10. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. Ivan stood up from his chair.
11.
12. "I swear to God if its wind all again I will explode." he thought to himself
13. He opened the door. Turns out somebody was knocking on his door, much to his surprise. It was a postman.
14.
15. "Uhh...hello." welcomed Ivan with a bit of confusion.
16.
17. "Is this Gratskijev's house in the middle of the Siberia?" shouted postman because wind was blowing too loud.
18.
19. "Yes, yes. Now what brings you there in such a bloody freezing region of this country?" asked Ivan.
20.
21. "Apparently you have received the mail!" said postman as he barely gave Ivan the mail. The wind was too strong.
22. "Okay, bye. It's getting to cold." said postman as he left the scene.
23. “Well, no shit." groaned Ivan as he tried to close the door, but the postman heard him.
24.
25. "Pardon me, what?" questioned the postman.
26.
27. "Well, isn't it obvious that there will be cold in the middle of the fucking coldest place of the Northern hemisphere?" said Ivan to the postman.
28.
29. "Umm...nevermind then..." said postman before he ran away. "Jesus, what's with this guy? And why does he live in the middle of this region?" postman thought to himself.
30.
31. Ivan finally closed the door and returned to his rocking chair. He opened the mail and read it. This was written on the mail:
32.
33. "Hello and congratulations! You've won a free house! Please come at the "Somewhere in the unknown swamp 5." You won't be disappointed. Please! Winky face and smile!"
34.
35. Ivan placed his left hand on his forehead. "Jebote bog! What the fuck is with this mail? What twatface wrote this? You know what? I'm going to find this prankster, who thought this shit was funny and beat the shite out of him or at least yell at him or her or whatever, just so the fucker would learn." said Ivan furiously.
36.
37. "But you know what? Living in the swamp might be a good thing, so maybe the prankster might get away with it. I'll check it out." he said as he suddenly changed his entire tone. He stood up from his rocking chair again, grabbed bottles of his favorite brands of drinks and left the cottage to reach his garage, which was one hundred meters away from the house. After a quick sprint, he reached the destination. He opened the doors of garage with the force. Inside of it was a Zastava Koral car or as he likes to call it: "Worst fucking car of the millennium, but somewhat a lovable machine".
38.
39. First of all, Ivan checked if the automobile is ready for business. The trunk was filled with beverages of his kind and few of the weapons, such as a shotgun and a simple, but efficient gun. The slavic man went inside a car and rev up the engines.
40.
41. "Yugo my boyo, don't embarrass me like you did the last time and let's go find the new house!"
42.
43. He was driving like crazy, even on the terrain like Siberia. The postman that just visited Ivan earlier was just walking with the carefree attitude when suddenly Yugo flew just over him. Postman was scared beyond anything else.
44.
45. "Dosvidanya, tovarish!" waved Ivan to the postman before he went off to his quest of finding a new house. Postman just stared into the abyss and reconsidered his life choices.
46.
47. Many hours of insane driving and completely unforgivable terrain, Ivan and his Yugo finally arrived at their destination. The unknown swamp number 5. It looked like an usual swamp, but it was a bit dry for a swamp. Just before Ivan parked the car.....the tires fell off and Yugo started to smoke. Ivan took a deep breath to chill out, but then the hood launched into the sky by itself. Ivan stared in shock for few seconds, then he slammed his head directly on the steering wheel.
48.
49. "Pizda ti materna, Yugo. I trusted you, damn it! Oh well, at least I can drink." groaned Ivan as he grabbed a small bottle of Heineken and smashed it on his face. He somehow was able to drink all the substance. "Ahhh....much better." he said in a completely monotone voice. He stepped out of the broken mess of a car and went straight forward. He was walking like a drunk, but in reality he wasn't one....yet.
50.
51.
52. During his walk, he saw a wreckage of an old Mig-17.
53.
54. "Oh look. A Fresco. That was good shit back then...." said Ivan in a somber tone as he continued walking like a drunk. After a while, he saw his new "house". It wouldn't be even a house. It was a giant, mighty mansion, reminiscent of the structure of the renaissance except much more massive. Ivan couldn't believe his own eyes. He looked at one of his bottles, just to be sure that he's not drunk.
55.
56. "Whoa...That's some nice looking house right over there. I expected to be worse, but....externally, it looks impressive. What's internal, on other hand though" proclaimed Ivan as he approached the mansion. There was a piece of paper on the doorknob. The name "Ivan" was written on the aforementioned paper. Ivan took a closer look at the doorknob.
57.
58. "Okay...that is some spooky stuff right here." said Ivan with the kinda unnerved tone in his voice.
59.
60. He ripped of the paper from the doorknob and opened the door.
61.
62. It was an dark interior with a gloomy hallway. Near the door, there was an old, dusty table with a broken mirror being above it. There was a lit candle on the table. The hallway itself was rusty, dusty and filled with rats. Ivan stared at the whole thing with sheer and pure disappointment. For some reason, he started clapping for some apparent reason.
63.
64. "Bravo...Bravo. One time I expected something remotely decent, one fucking time....and it turns out to be garbage. Trash. Ughhhhh....." complained Ivan as he reached for the miniature bottle of Jägermeister in his pocket. He drank the whole drink in one sip and put it on the table. Just as he put the bottle on the table, the table collapsed and broke into pieces. The bottle also shattered over the floor. Ivan stared in disbelief.
65.
66. "It just keeps happening, doesn't it? It keeps getting worse This JUST had to happen........for fuck's sake." groaned Ivan in agony. He walked down the hallway like a drunk once again. He didn't notice any of the details of hallway like rats and flies because he was being busy with regret. Once he finished walking through hallway, he reached another door. Just as he grabbed the doorknob, the door turned into dust. He wasn't even surprised at this point.
67.
68. "Oooh, this house is going to get a renovation real soon. Unless there is some unnatural shit here. It would be predictable." Ivan thought to himself.
69.
70. He then proceeded to enter the next room. It was a small, gloomy and rusty room. There was a wooden chair, filled with maggots, a brown wardrobe and a small table again. There was a petrol lamp on the table. Ivan walked close to the chair. He thought about sitting on the chair, but he already knew the foregone conclusion. But out of sheer curiosity, he slowly approached close to the chair, did a squat and started to slowly move the index finger towards the chair. He moved it so slowly that Ivan himself started to rattle. His index finger was 1 millimeter away from the chair and the chair just imploded by itself. There was no trace of this chair existing anymore, not even tiny details such as atoms. Only thing that did remain from the chair were the maggots, and those were dead for like twelve weeks. Ivan stared at it for a moment. He flipped the bird at the dead maggots.
71.
72. Ivan took a look at the room while he was squatting. He noticed a missing wooden floor tile. If he wasn't sure about renovating the entire house in the first place, he is one hundred percent determined now.
73.
74. "I'm going to make a tour around this shithole and see if the rest of it is a junkyard. Saying that those first impressions were disappointing would been a massive understatement." declared Ivan with the frustrated voice and decided to walk out of this room. He found the door that was surprisingly stable and it didn't destroy itself. Ivan was somewhat relieved, but not overly surprised by this. He then reached the next room.
It was an another dark, gloomy and somewhat rusty hallway, but this time something was different. There was a human figure standing in the middle of the light.
