Our children will always be our children, but once they turn 18 or leave home, they also are adults with lives increasingly separate from our own. Much of the angst between parents and adult children stems from the tug-of-war over whose life it is. It can be wrenching to let go of the old parental omnipotence and not be able to fix everything. But when grown kids cope with these ups and downs, they develop into resilient, self-sufficient people with the confidence that comes from standing on their own feet. Not only might they hold their unhappiness with the hated job against you, their lack of passion for the field could inhibit their career growth. It is reasonable to discuss career and earnings outlooks with your kids before they choose a college major, field of graduate study or first job. But trying to control the big decision of what field your adult child will choose is sure to stir up resentment. Keep in mind that although college majors do vary in their future earnings, getting a college degree, in any area, is the most important goal for enhancing lifelong career prospects. These days, many adult children live at home for a short time. Almost always, their return home is temporary because they prefer to live independently as soon as they can afford to do so. Helpful: Agree on a division of household responsibilities. The adult child is now an adult member of the household and should do an adult share of the housework, laundry and cooking. COMMUNICATION Most adult children like talking to their parents and enjoy having a more adultlike relationship than they did in their teens. If they want to share something personal, they will. Adult children vary a lot in how much they want their parents to know about their lives and how much they want to confide in them. Take special care not to raise subjects that your adult child has historically been disinclined to discuss. Resist the urge to ask follow-up questions on the rare occasions when your child does raise one of these subjects. Example: Many adult children prefer not to discuss their love lives with their parents. If they contact you weekly via text message, then contact them weekly via text message, too. You can always slip in a phone call now and then. Keep in mind that ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends sometimes reenter the picture. HOW TO GIVE ADVICE TO AN ADULT CHILD Many young adults spend their 20s acting in ways that seem irresponsible to their parents. They might change jobs or romantic partners frequently or rely on their parents for financial support or housing. This is all perfectly normal and does not mean that the young adult is destined to act this way forever. Such guidance makes them feel as if their parents still see them as children. This puts parents in a difficult position—they want to help their grown-up kids avoid missteps, but any wisdom they offer is likely to be poorly received. You obtain permission to provide advice. The odds of a negative reaction decline greatly if you ask the child if he would like your input before you offer it. If he says he prefers to work through the problem on his own, keep your advice to yourself. When you feel you must provide advice, also ask the adult child for his advice on a different topic about which he is knowledgeable. This can keep the relationship balanced. Bottom Line… empowering your life with expert advice! Always consult a competent professional for answers specific to your questions and circumstances. Our content is further subject to our Mistakes Parents Make That Push Adult Children Away Our children will always be our children, but once they turn 18 or leave home, they also are adults with lives increasingly separate from our own. Much of the angst between parents and adult children stems from the tug-of-war over whose life it is. It can be wrenching to let go of the old parental omnipotence and not be able to fix everything. But when grown kids cope with these ups and downs, they develop into resilient, self-sufficient people with the confidence that comes from standing on their own feet. Not only might they hold their unhappiness with the hated job against you, their lack of passion for the field could inhibit their career growth. It is reasonable to discuss career and earnings outlooks with your kids before they choose a college major, field of graduate study or first job. But trying to control the big decision of what field your adult child will choose is sure to stir up resentment. Keep in mind that although college majors do vary in their future earnings, getting a college degree, in any area, is the most important goal for enhancing lifelong career prospects. These days, many adult children live at home for a short time. Almost always, their return home is temporary because they prefer to live independently as soon as they can afford to do so. Helpful: Agree on a division of household responsibilities. The adult child is now an adult member of the household and should do an adult share of the housework, laundry and cooking. COMMUNICATION Most adult children like talking to their parents and enjoy having a more adultlike relationship than they did in their teens. If they want to share something personal, they will. Adult children vary a lot in how much they want their parents to know about their lives and how much they want to confide in them. Take special care not to raise subjects that your adult child has historically been disinclined to discuss. Resist the urge to ask follow-up questions on the rare occasions when your child does raise one of these subjects. Example: Many adult children prefer not to discuss their love lives with their parents. If they contact you weekly via text message, then contact them weekly via text message, too. You can always slip in a phone call now and then. Keep in mind that ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends sometimes reenter the picture. HOW TO GIVE ADVICE TO AN ADULT CHILD Many young adults spend their 20s acting in ways that seem irresponsible to their parents. They might change jobs or romantic partners frequently or rely on their parents for financial support or housing. This is all perfectly normal and does not mean that the young adult is destined to act this way forever. Such guidance makes them feel as if their parents still see them as children. This puts parents in a difficult position—they want to help their grown-up kids avoid missteps, but any wisdom they offer is likely to be poorly received. You obtain permission to provide advice. The odds of a negative reaction decline greatly if you ask the child if he would like your input before you offer it. If he says he prefers to work through the problem on his own, keep your advice to yourself. When you feel you must provide advice, also ask the adult child for his advice on a different topic about which he is knowledgeable. This can keep the relationship balanced.
