I typed this with my phone so there might be lots of errors. I really appreciate your work on the blog, may God bless your good heart and perfect all that concerns you.
I don't know if my story is worth posting on your blog but I just need someone to share my happiness with ; someone I don't know, who might be able to relate with my struggles and victory. I attended Obafemi Awolowo University. I got admitted in 2010 and as the first child of my family, my parents were overjoyed. I didn't wait at home at all after secondary school ; I got admitted it my first jamb and waec. I felt like I had nothing else to ask for in this world. My four years were super smooth. The worst result I had on school was one 48D in a course called stylistics- Language of poetry back in school. I was so sure I would graduate with a second class upper and that was enough for me.
The problem started the day we did our final year sign out. My part adviser called me to her office and told me they couldn't find any records of my 100 level results. My heart went cold and I had to remind myself to breathe. She promised to intensify her efforts to get my results found as my results showed that I was "too brilliant to have an extra year". The mention of extra year sent chills to my bones but I kept praying to God to never let it get to that level. I kept checking on her and she kept promising to help me with it. I couldn't tell my parents ; my mother would be broken and my father would be disappointed.
We finished second semester part 4 exams and I went home, trusting God and believing in myself. I had the best results in part 1 and I just couldn't believe it would all go down the drain. The new session resumed towards the end of 2014 and I decided to go to school to check again when I heard the worst news of my life. I had to retake them all except one: introduction to phonetics and phonology, which was found. Registration for the new semester was the end the following day, so I had to call my parent to just explain under the most uncomfortable circumstances, over the phone. My dad sent money into my account that day and by the following day, I already registered for the new semester. I moved back to campus to attend lectures and do course works. I found myself where I never thought I would but I still had faith that it was only just another hurdle I had to go through to get closer to my dreams.
First semester came and went, I wrote my papers with 100 level students who were still in Jss3 when I gained admission. Stella, the day my former classmates did their convocation was the day I wrote EGL 101 exams. I tried to be so strong, ate some people's rice and took pictures but before I got back to the hostel, I had started crying. I cried to bed that night. I resumed second semester and it was the same cycle. First semester results came out and I aced them all. I wasn't so lucky with second semester papers. I failed one.
I thought I had offended God. I cried bitterly and called Him names. I was disappointed and broken. Just one course. I couldn't tell my parents, I refused to the the cause of their sadness. I traveled to Lagos that year. I told my dad i found a journalism training school and he gave me 60k. I attended the school for 4 moths while my mates were serving. My mum's friends daughter, who got admitted the year after me finished and went for service. My parents were worried and by then, I had gotten a job in Lagos.
So I refused to go back home. My mum would call and beg me to tell them the truth but I felt the lie was better than the truth; it would hurt them so I didn't. That was how I spent 2015. Sometimes crying to bed, avoiding nysc talks with my friends, removed myself from group chats that would remind me how unfortunate I was. The day my friends did their POP, I cried for the dreams I was losing and the times I would never be able to regain.
I saved up enough to go back to school the following session again: second semester. I squatted with someone off campus and attended every lectures. I did the course work, wrote my test and was very sure this was finally the end of the problems. Stella, I missed the exam. It was written on Friday instead of Saturday. It was shifted back and no notice was given. We were many that missed the exam and unfortunately, I was one of them and no considerations were given between........
I begged the lecturer, implored her to multiply my C.A by 2, anything not to make me retake the course but no, she refused. I couldn't blame her, she was just protecting her job. I felt like my life was over. I wanted to die. I was avoiding home by all means, avoiding my parents calls, avoiding explanations. Some of my friends came back to school around that time, April 2016 to purchase the Masters form, some to request for their transcripts, some to collect their certificates, some got retained where they served, some got new jobs, some traveled out of the country.
Stella, I just wanted God to end it. People might not understand but I felt like it was the only thing I could do. Finishing school was supposed to the the first step towards chasing my dreams of becoming a lecturer or writing; just anything to make sure I make my own money and do a little something for my parents.
I went back to Lagos. The pressure from my parents was becoming choking. I was tired of lying to them and giving them excuses. They didn't deserve that. I didn't get a job and that was when I stumbled across your blog. It became my daily job. Read all day, eat, sleep, read comments, get mad at people for no reason, apply for jobs and get turned down. I just had to go back home. I went in December and my dad threatened to follow me to the department to know what was happening. Their friends were asking about my service and they were tired of acting like I was alright. In tears, I explained to them and my mother started crying. I had never seen daddy look so disappointed. I withdrew from everything and they didn't bother me. I got shouted at, I insulted, reproached, shamed by my parent. My mother was just so angry about everything one day that she beat me I was 23. I didn't stop crying all day. I thought of how well my mates were doing and I just lost passion for everything. I'd wake up, sleep, eat, check your blog and sleep again.
It was like hell until I opened a blog and started writing. No one was reading but I was pouring it all out. I swear to God, I contemplated killing myself. People shouldn't blame me. It seems like a small issue but it was like the key to my life. I learnt bead making, bag making, makeup, everything! Nothing stuck; somewhere along the line, I just didn't want to have any dreams again, I stopped applying for jobs, I believed I was destined to fail anyways. I lost all my fire I was disappointed in myself and my failing visions. My gp was getting lower and lower.
February this year, I had to go back to school again and retake the course again. One course. I prayed, fasted, begged God and read like I had never done before. I had never been lucky with boyfriends and i lost all my friends when I shut myself in and shut them out, so there was really no one to encourage me. I met a guy here during February S&M and when I told him everything that happened, he was supportive.
Too supportive for a stranger. This time, I was told at the department that if I failed again, the school would automatically terminate my studentship. I can't have beyond 3 extra years for a 4 years course. Stella, even though I had prayed and had one supportive friend , me I was just lifeless o. They guy I met just kept supporting me even though he might not have known he was doing just that at the time. My friends reconnected with me and they started supporting in their own ways too. I wrote the exam in April this year and yesterday, I saw my result.
I was with the S&M guy. I visited him and we were in the kitchen; he was cooking spaghetti for me when he asked about my result again, he asks every day, so I jokingly told him that it couldn't be out yet. I had been checking my eportal page everyday since April 2nd that I wrote the exam and it wasn't released all along.
I had 58C. We were so happy.
Stella, I'm finally free. I'm going for service in November. Your blog was my Haven when I didn't have friends nd your s&m gave me a great friend. Stella, I wish you all the happiness in this world. May God's blessing, mercy, favour and benevolence never depart from you. Stella I'm finally a graduate of English Language after 7 years.
The school still can't explain the disappearance of my results and instead of them to delete them and make me retake them afresh, they calculated F for 12 courses. Now I'm going to graduate with a 3rd class but guess what, I don't care. You're a living strength that I can be anything I want to be with a 3rd class.
Stella, between February and now, my blog is now moving well. It may not be anything huge but I'm doing something for myself. I still write everyday, I got 2 freelance writing jobs and adsense has verified my blog. I didn't go back home but I will soon.
Dee is not a regular bv, so if you post it, he might not see it but he's a great friend. God bless him
