A few months ago, a man that essentially put himself on a pedestal for daring to love her larger-than-average body. It sparked a heated conversation between me and my coworkers all of us were on the side that this man and his letter were pretty clueless, btw. But in talking about how awful heterosexual gender dynamics can be, the conversation took a tired turn I've heard too many times. I know because I've dated a few of them. Plus plenty of terrible first dates with women who stared at their phones instead of, you know, actually talking to me. It's not just that I have terrible luck though it definitely felt that way for a while. My queer friends have also had bad experiences dating other women. Her phone held dozens of similar messages, and the woman only stopped harassing Zoe when she was no longer single. So, no, dating women isn't as easy-peasy as straight women seem to think. But I get why they sometimes wish they could give up on men. They're tired of men being confusing, misogynistic, emotionally uninvested, and — and that's totally understandable. There's no question that misogyny is more rampant among straight, men than it is among queer women; men have literally been conditioned to think women are objects. They don't really mean it. But, at best, thinking that it must be so much easier to be a lesbian is just factually wrong. At worst, it's offensive. In saying that they wish they could be lesbians simply to avoid dating men, straight women are ignoring all of the terrible shit real queer women have to go through. Like worrying that their friends and family will no longer love them once they come out, feeling as if they in public or weathering dirty stares when they do , and dealing with homophobia from strangers, coworkers, law enforcement, and even family let me tell ya, when I told him I was dating a woman — all of which can lead to some serious consequences. LGBTQ+ people are three times more likely than straight, cisgender people to , according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. The Williams Institute reports that , and most of these kids are on the streets because they came out and their families told them to leave. We're at a greater risk for violence from partners, too. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 44% of lesbian women and 61% of bisexual women by a partner, compared to 35% of straight women. All of that aside, it's also just not true that being a lesbian magically takes away the stress, drama, and insecurity involved in dating. Queer dating isn't like going to a buffet — you can't just pick any random woman, and then live happily ever after. Believe it or not, even lesbians have to go on awkward first dates and deal with people who disappear out of the blue.
