this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient and forbearing, considerate
and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other
happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.—The Review and Herald,
December 10, 1908.
I was then shown his daughter-in-law. She is beloved of God, but held in
servile bondage, fearing, trembling, desponding, doubting, and very nervous.
This sister should not feel that she must yield her will to a godless youth
who has less years upon his head than herself. She should remember that her
marriage does not destroy her individuality. God has claims upon her higher
than any earthly claim. Christ has bought her with His own blood. She is
not her own. She fails to put her entire trust in God, and submits to yield
her convictions, her conscience, to an overbearing, tyrannical man, fired up
by Satan whenever his satanic majesty can work effectually through him to
intimidate this trembling, shrinking soul. She has so many times been thrown
into agitation that her nervous system is shattered, and she is merely a wreck.
Is it the will of the Lord that this sister should be in this state and God be
robbed of her service? No. Her marriage was a deception of the devil. Yet now
she should make the best of it, treat her husband with tenderness, and make
him as happy as she can without violating her conscience; for if he remains in
his rebellion, this world is all the heaven he will have. But to deprive herself
of the privilege of meetings, to gratify an overbearing husband possessing the
spirit of the dragon, is not according to God’s will. He wants this trembling
soul to flee to Him. He will be a covert to her. He will be like the shadow of a
great rock in a weary land.
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Only have faith, trust in God and He will strengthen and bless. All three of her
children are susceptible to the influences of the truth and Spirit of God. Could
these children be as favorably situated as are many Sabbathkeeping children,
all would be converted and enlist in the army of the Lord.—Testimonies for
the Church 2:99, 100.
The Head of the House. Mary, ... I wish in all sisterly and motherly
kindness to kindly warn you upon another point. I have often noticed before
others a manner you have in speaking to John in rather a dictating manner,
the tone of your voice sounding impatient. Mary, others notice this and have
spoken of it to me. It hurts your influence.
We women must remember that God has placed us subject to the husband.
He is the head, and our judgment and views and reasonings must agree with
his, if possible. If not, the preference in God’s Word is given to the husband
where it is not a matter of conscience. We must yield to the head.—Letter 5,
1861.
An Overbearing Husband. I have a few words to say in regard to your
marriage, not by revelation but permission. Yes, I feel compelled by the
Spirit of the Lord to say to you [that] I have had less confidence in your
integrity since your marriage than I have had heretofore. My heart was greatly
burdened. I knew you were not qualified to make a proper husband for Sister
Drake. If you had permitted her to lay her case before us, we could have
advised her according to the light God has given us of your case. You knew
this, therefore you were unwilling to have us consulted. Brother R, I believe
that your motives in this marriage were purely selfish. I do not believe you had
a thought of the good of Sister Drake or the glory of God. You urged yourself
upon
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her without consulting those who knew you best. You hurried this matter off
with your own hasty spirit that you have ever possessed.
Stewardship of Means. Your course since your marriage, in taking
possession of and controlling the means of her [whom] you had made your
wife, shows your motives to be wrong. All these things are against you and
show on your part very deep selfishness and a dictatorial spirit which God
would not have her submit to. Her marriage does not make null and void
her stewardship. It does not destroy her identity. Her individuality should be
preserved if she would glorify God with her body and spirit, which are His.
Her individuality cannot be submerged in you. She has duties she owes to God
which you have no right to interfere with. God has claims upon her which you
cannot meet. In the providence of God she has become His steward, and this
she should refuse to yield to you or any other one.
You have not wisdom more exact and perfect than hers which should lead
her to give to you the stewardship of her means. She has developed a far better
character than yourself, and has a better balanced mind than yourself. She can
manage this means in her hands more wisely, more judiciously, and more to
the glory of God than yourself. You are a man of extremes. You move by
impulse and are most of the time more directly under the control of evil angels
than the angels of God.—Letter 4, 1870.
Improper Motives. I need not tell you I deeply regret your marriage. You
are not the man that can make your wife happy. You love yourself too well
to be kind, attentive, patient, affectionate, and sympathizing. How tenderly
you should now treat her whom you have married. How carefully you should
study to make her not regret that she
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has united her destiny with yours. God looks upon the course you have
pursued in this matter, and you will be without excuse for the course you
have taken. God reads your motives. You now have an opportunity to exhibit
your true self, to demonstrate whether you were actuated by true love or deep,
selfish interest in your marriage. You married, I have no doubt, thinking you
would come in possession of property and have the handling of it as you
pleased.
Importance of Love and Tenderness. You have no right to dictate to your
wife as you would a child. You have not earned a valuable reputation of
goodness that would require reverence. You need, considering your failur
