The last week or so, I posted an article about reasons why men may choose to give you their number and not ask you for theirs. In discussing this with friends there were mixed feelings as to why, but most of them seemed to think that this was more of a positive behavior than negative; I move to strike those opinions from record dammit! Yep, this is my first group post. Today we're featuring , the lovely and, well, this guy. We were also going to feature commentary by fame, but due to his hectic schedule he had to pass on this post. Jeffrey Platts of JeffreyPlatts. If she does call, he could then presume that she has a high interest level in him. But the downside is that it SHIFTS THE ENERGY, where she is taking the lead and he is then passively responding to her. Not a great recipe for sexual attraction. It shows he has the balls to ask for what he wants. It also sets the tone for him taking the lead in the courtship. Also, ladies, have some compassion for guys. One of the scariest experiences for many guys is to approach an attractive woman. Jeffrey Platts is the heart and soul behind , sharing perspectives on dating and relationships from an authentic and practical point of view, bringing in years of study in spiritual and personal growth. When not in front of his Mac, you can find him practicing and teaching yoga or DJing funky old school jams. Etiquette is not dead I tell you. Men know to walk on the outside of their women, closer to dangerous gutters and shin-hitting strollers. Women know to protect their man from ungracious comments their girlfriends make, etc. The phone number reversal. Since when have men thought it proper to give us their number instead of asking for ours? This is a steamy pile of crap! Being single is difficult for both sexes involved, it just is. The slow dance of flirting is a socially agreed upon exchange. Now men are throwing in some new step no gentlemanly instructor has taught them. We like guts—thick, long, windy ones. Asking for our number is the next closest thing, so do it, and do it boldly, slayer. Maybe you get charged for calls after 7 p. Get a new job, man. This will kill any chance you thought you had with us. These are not the adjectives of a casanova. Generally speaking, we look to men to take the lead. Lucky Lass writes for the blog. Never one to back down from a challenge however, I went ahead and lived my life, painted on various men as if they were nail polish…some looked great on me, most clashed awfully. How to know who was worth me? Who I was worth? That remains to be seen. Maruska Morena, of Dating 2. Always insightful and always hilarious. When He Gives You His Number.. Instead of Asking For Yours? There are many reasons a guy gives out his number, but the main reason is that he wants to hear from you. That said, he may not be that into you. He may give you his number so he can measure if you're really interested.. A remotely attractive girl is better than being alone. He might think you're out of his league, or not that into him or you're in a group of friends and he's intimidated to make that bold of a move. In any case, he probably won't be an alpha male, and will be happiest letting you take the lead. There are exceptions to this.. But I think this is rare. Maruska Morena runs the popular dating blog,. I wanted to make a space to voice my adventures, my foibles, my thoughts, and the ups and downs of dating again. Laugh with me, cry with me, and even at times run for cover with me. My take on this whole thing? I tend to think that the guy that does this errs on the side of being insecure more times than not. Society expects us men to be aggressive and to get out there and take what we want. Either way it lets a woman know that you're assertive and willing to get out there and get what you want. Trust me, that's what women really want. In short, ladies, if this guy you're into does this to you, either punch him in the unmentionables or go shopping for a dude with a spine. That's how I see it. Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca:. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend don't be perverted, now! Follow Alex: Jeffrey — Lazy lazy!! Women need to be chased, it assures us that we are wanted and needed. You are missing out on great women by giving out your number. You know who's gonna call? The quality women will know to wait for a man who cares enough to do the pursuing. I really AM beginning to feel like the lone defender of guys-giving-me-their-number. Time for an all-out blog war! And YOU thought I wasn't violent. Wait until you see my words. Looking forward to it! The bottom line is, some girls do not dig this and some girls are fine with it. Some may even like it as it gives them control. Guys will or will not give their number for a variety of reasons, all of which we can dissect until we're blue in the face. Ask for her number and you risk rejection. Give her your number and you risk rejection, just not to your face. Nothing in life is for sure, but sometimes you just gotta take a risk. Personally, I take it on a case by case basis, but I do prefer being asked for mine. From experience I know where Alex above is coming from. I've asked for a guys number instead because I knew I probably wouldn't call him. I enjoyed his company, would probably have gone out with him but didn't want him to feel rejected. Now looking back on it, I think I would've just passed. At the end of the day, I'd rather give mine. Is there such a way. Then again, no one thought bacon and ice cream would make for good bed fellows either! If you're direct and kind then I think it's possible to accomplish letting someone down. We can only control how we say something; how someone else reacts to what we say is a whole other ball game. In short, Izzy, I think you can be polite and reject someone. But when you do, make sure to where your running heels so you can make a fast getaway! This scenario was in place when going from online communication to phone contact. I am all in 38 flavors of the man stepping up to the plate and pursuing what he wants…after all, there is nothing really safe about the pursuit of love or lust. He will call, email, text, telegraph, and send homing pigeons to contact you. He has put everything in her favour!! The man is leading overall from beginning to end, but there are moments where the woman should take the lead too. But the man has already led by approaching the woman and leading the conversation. One could argue that giving his contact info is a form of leading too, because he has made himself vulnerable first. He will also lead, presumably, by asking her out later. There is absolutely nothing in human biology or DNA that relates to phone number customs. But leadership comes in many forms in different situations and contexts. It does not have to conform to the specific step-by-step template you personally prefer. Again your second paragraph is moot. This is not just about phones. Be a man, and let the women be women and quit being lazy. I already said that leadership and taking initiative is important for men. But it does NOT have to be in the specific template that YOU personally prefer. I agree that many men today are not willing or able to lead women. Or you can be an indecisive, needy dude who gets tons of numbers. I think most women would prefer the former. Recently, I have come back in to the dating scene after 20 years of marriage. Recently, and why I googled this as it was completely new and odd and warranted a search much akin to putting in an address to see where you are going and how long the trip is going to take if it were only that easy …a 20s something at the end of a lot of spontaneous fun and antics with a group of my friends at a bar, resulted in him giving me a hug good bye and then letting me know he wanted to give me his number. Yet, he hung in there and moved forward to tap me on the shoulder and give me his number. I felt with our age difference and my tough social group protecting me to some degree, this gentlemen swung for the fences with the simple gesture of giving me his number and putting it in my hands. Thank you for your intellect! Ladies, stop waiting by your phone. If YOU feel like you would like that as well, you contact me. How many times does it not end well though and how many of these girls are still single!? In most cases there are ALWAYS exceptions this guy is not a loser, insecure, or gutless. Quite the opposite in fact. If you are interested, even slightly, go after him!!!! Women sitting on their butts…really; and you have a woman talking like that??? I am just appalled that men refuse to be men. There is nothing discriminatory about a woman being a woman and a man being a man. Why is it that men want to abandon their role in society. It make no sense, except they are lazy and lack self esteem. Women and men were created differently; men are by nature the aggressors- the hunters and gatherers. That is supposed to help to validate a man- being able to flex their proverbial muscles. Men have no idea how they sell themselves short by altering their roles. To really make a woman want you — really want you, you have to do things a certain way. I am always so deeply disappointed when a guy proffers his number. Just happened to me twice this week- and I was surprised to find that other women were having the same problem. What happened is that my interest just waned. I want an assertive man, and them doing that just says to me that they are taking a huge chance — hoping that I will call. Well right now is tomorrow, and here I am- not calling…Sadly not because I am punishing him, but rather I have just lost interest, and have no interest in calling this grown man when I am not even dying to talk to him. It was his job to make me want to talk to him. I hope that lesson is well learned. The writer made such a valid point, in that it changes the dynamics and shifts the role. Sure you might say that is why we are still single, but I can assure you that the women who are not taking the numbers would rather be single than subject themselves to a sissy too cowardly to do what is within a their nature to do. Will that be the given, canned response. This approach empowers everyone. For those reasons, not too many women are going to go for this approach. If she approaches me ,than I know that she is interested.. If you are a true man, then you will listen…no, not the the sound of your own voices but to the WOMEN who are speaking. If I want to know how a guy thinks or why he does what he does, I listen to what men have to say. Or will you come up with excuse after excuse to justify what is easier for you? No matter how women continue to take numbers, they are not happy about it and they eventually dump you. Not to mention you will never get the cream of the crop- sorry girls who use these numbers. Man the heck up, grow a pair and if you continue to give your number out, you are in fact acting like a girl. I had a man that someone has been trying to set me up with and I see this man on a fairly regular basis. He did write his number down and handed it to me and with a smile told me I could call him if I did not mind him having my number. I felt flattered he would approach me that way to get my number as it did not put me on the spot and does not force me to decide on the spot what to do. So for me, I felt it was more respectful in a public setting for him to handle the situation of a number exchange this way. Will I call him? That is between him and I. But do I feel this made him less of a man? No, I appreciated the fact that he treated me respectfully enough to not put me on the spot in a public setting and he still took the lead in asking for a way to contact me other than when I am at work. Again, this is just my opinion. I know I prefer to communicate using email instead of over the phone initially. So what about online dating? What wrong with you people??? You are the ones helping to make men so paranoid. No one gives a crap about a phone number. If you like the guy- give it up. You all give up other things more readily than a damn phone number. I get asked for my number so rarely that it is a breath of fresh air when someone acts like a man that i do give it. I continue to be annoyed at the ones who claim to be trying to protect my privacy…i mean seriously who asked. This whole situation is driving me up the walls. I continue to tell them I am not that kind of girl. ASK FOR THE NUMBER men. It is JUST A NUMBER!!!!!!! Besides in this day of Facebook graph search, google and twitter. What do you need my number for? I feel i want to start a crusade, so men understand how women view them when they do this role reversal. I mean who wants a guy in panties??? Education is key here. They had the info but somewhere along the way, the message got screwed up and it is frustrating me and clearly others. Every time I meet a guy I inevitably start wondering if he will be one of those… I hope this goes away as more and more people talk about it. I will not make it easy for you. I expect you to open all doors, act like a gentleman, and court the heck out of me. Now please forward this to all the men who want to date me. A man who is focused, driven, who truly respect for himself is not going to jump thru a million and one hoops just to prove himself. There are plenty beautiful women out here who have no problem with putting in effort. Do you have the best vagina in the nation? And what does the woman do? Have sex with us? Every woman has a vagina and every woman loves sex- so I ask you again What makes you so special ALKI? Would be miserable from the start. For what in return? I will not make it easy for you. I expect you to open all doors, act like a gentleman, and court the heck out of me. No one thinks anymore.. Lets look at those two scenarios, shall we. From the Womans standpoint: 1: He could never stop calling and asking Num 3 above 2: He could never call, being out with the guys and have a number gathering contest. Men have just increased their chances of making a date happen to 50%. From the Womans standpoint: 1: Your going on a date, cause you already know he is interested. They ARE LEADING you two towards date in a more efficient manner. Not the exchange of contact information.. In other words, ladies… get over yourselves. I began doing this because it kinda sucks for a girl to give you their number for them to a not respond or b respond in a dry manner. Doesnt happen all the time but.. I am a man with alot to offer, inside and out. If not, no worries. To say Hello he said. He said I look like a nice person. Okay, I call today, left a msg, he calls me back tonight and asked me to give him a call back. I am not your texting buddy, I am not your phone friend. I am interested in you and I would like to plan a date for us! That, my friends, is why I leave my phone number. If you want to get to know me, meet me for coffee for crying out loud!!! If you have your eye on someone and they have no clue, get it going or not. I frequent a popular, upscale gym and developed a serious crush on a younger, hip, but shy guy. After a month of passing each other, one of the cashiers in the cafe quickly introduced us to each other. We briefly chatted and discovered that we have common creative interests and both love to hang out in the same neighborhoods. He gave it to me, smiled and rushed off to his appointment. I texted him ten minutes later and invited him to meet that night. We met at exactly 7pm and I suggested a trendy outdoor restaurant a few stops away. We enjoyed a healthy meal, wine and cool conversation. We spoke for a very long period of time and she seemed very interested asking lots of questions about me, smiling a lot, laughing, talking lots about her life and ambitions, and hung around for about 2hrs. They want men to be men and pursue them and all that stuff. Yet they want equal rights and equal pay! Ladies, if you want to be treated like an EQUAL then BE ONE! As a guy I have had terrible results from taking numbers. I used to be a huge number taker, both online and in person. The end results did not justify the effort and I am a very attractive guy that is socially aware. The games just have to stop. If you are interested then show it if not move on. I am very shy, and have social anxiety disorder, Depression, PTSD, and Anxiety, due to the death of my daughter in 2003. Its because women have the attitude, you must do it my way, speak to me etc. Its out of order, and about time that women came into this equal world that they apparently want. Of course we want and should have equal rights and pay. Men have lost the plot. I as a petite woman, help anybody, male or female who needs help. Accepting and desiring Gentlemanly treatment from a possible love interest is sexy and a turn on for women. A lot of men do this to screen for immature women, narcissistic women, and uncooperative women. The number is like 10% of the dating process. If i give my number out im not putting out that im insecure and im not afraid of rejection. I was raised to be respectful of women. I dont see it as giving up any kind of power or me being a man. I just dont want to put her in this awkward situation where she has to reject me in person. I see it as giving her peace of mind. She dosent have to call me if she dosent want to but if i give my number i am diffenetly interested. Iv found that some women are put off by the aggressiveness of that first meeting and in todays culture people in general are dangerous. She dosent know me and i dont know her. But there are other types of men who might find it attractive for a woman to show initiative because that in return tells them that you have confidence in yourself. And confidence is sexy. Men are just now coming to terms with the fact that not all women are the same. Maybe fifty years from now women will realize that not all men are the same. That courting and trying to impress her is for fools and suckers! After a while of always getting rejected and never getting a text or phone call men are starting wisen up. This is an era where men are starting to wake and give the middle finger to the matrix, women and the system! The Red Pill is real and thus the birth of MGTOW is here!
